Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
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M. Giant's Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks |
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Friday, October 31, 2008 Hiccup All summer, we got notices by e-mail, snail mail, phone, text message, and carrier pigeon reminding us that the warranty on Trash's car was about to expire. Which it did. Which we ignored. A few weeks ago, we got a notice that the warranty had expired, but this time it was in a different form. Specifically, it was in the form of the car's engine missing a few strokes while in reverse. While in Iowa. We got home safely and easily enough. But I thought it was a little weird when later that day, on my way to Chao's house, the engine just died. I was on an otherwise empty, residential street, three blocks from home, so it wasn't like it was a major situation. I just thought, "Huh, that's odd," then put it in neutral and cranked it again. And then I went on my way and it was fine, although Trash wasn't pleased to hear that her car had died for no reason. Even when I told her how to handle the situation if it happened to her, it didn't seem to make her feel all that better. It was almost as if she would prefer to not have the engine die while she was driving it at all. And for a while, it didn't. In fact, the whole time we were in Florida, we didn't have problems with the car once. Cut to this week, when the "check engine" light is on more or less permanently and Trash and I are both getting way too good at quickly putting the car in neutral and restarting it whenever we slow down to a rolling stop. It wouldn't be so bad, except that cranking it always makes us miss a few seconds of whatever somebody's saying on the radio, plus it always feels a little iffy when you're doing it while taking a left in front of oncoming traffic. So we've been relying more on my car, which neither of us hardly ever drives since I've been telecommuting. In fact, the last time I put gas in it was in August. I was considering siphoning out the four-dollar-a-gallon gas I still have in the tank and selling it as a collector's item, but now we're using it to drive around. I'm beginning to worry that the car may not last until Thanksgiving without another trip to the pump. Fortunately, my dad's coming over to take a look under the hood tomorrow, and he's bringing his portable diagnostic computer that can plug into the car and tell us what's wrong with it. Kind of like R2-D2, but less obnoxious and without the gay sidekick. A few theories have been floated. Dad thinks it might just be water in the gas tank. I'm wondering if the air-fuel mix just needs to be adjusted, not that I have the slightest idea how to do that. But part of me is just a little worried that Trash's car's computer is just going to tell my dad's computer, "Duh, my warranty's expired. Neener neener." If that happens, maybe I'll just swap the computer out of my '99 into Trash's '06 Ion. That should be pretty straightforward, right? posted by M. Giant 7:52 PM 3 comments 3 Comments:
My old truck (his name was Bob) used to do exactly that. It was a stick shift, and the wheel would lock when it happened. Usually coming to a stop, but once in the middle of the freeway. SCARY! I forget what it was, or I would make a bet with you.
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I had the same stalling problem with my automatic transmission mercury mystique, and it turned out to be a faulty oxygen sensor in the gas tank.
By My car had started skipping in reverse like it wanted to die. When we took it in for the emissions inspection the other day it was diagnosed with a faulty oxygen sensor. Hopefully, fixing that will fix the other problem.
By Tuesday, October 28, 2008 Kennedy II If you're in Central Florida with a four-year-old, what could be better than a visit to Kennedy Space Center? How about another visit to Kennedy Space Center?  Tickets to visit the place aren't cheap, but I assume we'll all get a handsome return on our investment when NASA uses our admission fee in the successful mining of the gigundous diamond at the core of Jupiter. Also, you can hang onto your tickets and use them to make a return visit for free within seven days. It's like they knew M. Edium or something.  I'm not sure why he doesn't look happier in this picture. The main reason we came back was so that he could climb around inside the Shuttle mockup they have on the grounds. Either he's trying to figure out why he's never heard of the Space Shuttle Explorer (because he does know the names of all five, six if you count Enterprise), or he's upset that he's not inside it already.  Obviously this isn't a real Shuttle. Otherwise it would take out that light pole. But it was as close as we could get. In fact, we walked under it, and I lifted him above my head so he could touch the black belly tiles with his own bare hands. I wasn't tall enough to reach it myself, so that's one more experience he's had that I never have and never will, along with riding in a child safety seat and watching a Land Before Time movie on purpose.  And of course, you can actually get in it. You can't really tell because of the glare on the windows, but this is a picture of M. Edium in the pilot's seat, playing with the power locks and beeping the horn. ![It's not that WALL-E isn't happy to be inside the spaceship for once, it's just that...coff...ack...[sad beep]](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3233/2975297001_ba6e3d0e2f.jpg?v=0) There's not a lot of accessible space inside a Space Shuttle. Most of it's cargo bay, which isn't pressurized. Here, we got to walk inside a door above the outer airlock and into the forward end of the cargo bay, where we could see the crew quarters and lab space through a sheet of Plexiglas in front of us.  Behind us, a satellite, as though waiting to be deployed into orbit. In fact, I think this is the very satellite that is supposed to be making it possible for me to get cell phone coverage in my house.  After that, we went to the briefing room, where I got to enjoy three minutes of a NASA briefing, two minutes of which were burned by the very grumpy scientist yelling at everyone that Kennedy Space Center and Cape Canaveral are not the same thing. Even if you can see the Cape's rocket launching pads from the same observation gantry that provides a view of the Shuttle's launch pads. Before the briefing, M. Edium's attention was caught by something he wanted to bring home and put in our back yard. Sure, that's a great idea. Every time we launched it I'd have to re-seed. M. Edium is already looking forward to our next trip, but unfortunately the readmission can only be used once, and within seven days, so he's out of luck. Maybe when he's an astronaut. posted by M. Giant 8:26 PM 0 comments 0 Comments:Sunday, October 26, 2008 Costume Party We finally finished M. Edium's Halloween costume on Thursday, moments before we went across the street for the party at the high school. It was too crowded for him to wear it there for very long, but fortunately we were able to take it for a longer shakedown cruise on Saturday morning, when a bunch of local merchants sponsor a little trick-or-treating for the neighborhood kids.  Is that fake rust/dirt on his face under the mask, or is it the remains of Thursday night's dinner? I'm not saying. My favorite part of this costume is that it's all made of stuff we had lying around, except for one of the robot arms. We didn't even have to get him one of those little plastic pumpkins to carry his loot in; we had something handy.  As for my own Halloween costume for the party we went to last night (theme: people in the news), I used stuff that I already had; I just combined them in ways that I ordinarily wouldn't have. Trash was the one who had to wear something "new" as her costume. As did Chao and Gerd:  Not to worry, though; Trash's belly-pad was made of one of M. Edium's pillows, and Chao used the boobs he already had, so it wasn't a major investment. Except the investment in time required to construct those pompadours, which was not insignificant. Fortunately someone has put a helpful video on YouTube to provide assistance to other members of the tonsorially faithful. M. Edium will get two more chances to show off his costume: the costume parade at school on Thursday, and the neighborhood route on Friday night. Considering that we got a bit of snow flurries earlier today, I'm glad of one other feature of his costume: the fact that he can bundle up underneath it to a ridiculous degree. I may even go so far as to stuff blankets in there with him. posted by M. Giant 3:27 PM 8 comments 8 Comments:
+1 for idea
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Ha! Before I saw the others in this photo, I thought you were going as John Hodgman.
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So, the one on the far right is really a male, right? If not, I am so very sorry.
By M Edium carried his candy in a cooler? That's not even cute. That's like cute multiplied by genius.
By @erinynot -- yes, Chao (far right) is a dude, but he does own his own boobs.
By So has anyone spontaneously combusted from the cuteness of your little robot and his cooler? That seems like the kind of thing you should give the neighborhood advance warning about before trick-or-treating time comes.
By oh man, i love this blog. this just made me so happy. and you guys with your dour expressions- hilaaarious!
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Love your Amazing Race recaps. Also your boy's Halloween costume is amazing. It makes me feel guilty that I only bought my daughter a witches outfit.
By Thursday, October 23, 2008 Spaced Trash sent me a link to a story about a U.S. fighter pilot who was ordered to shoot down a UFO the size of an aircraft carrier and had 24 rockets locked on it before it disappeared. As flying aircraft carriers are wont to do. This was over 40 years ago, mind you, so don't freak out. I'm sure someone took care of the freaking out at the time. It reminded us of about nine years ago when we were in Las Vegas and riding in a cab whose driver had the radio tuned to the Art Bell Show. All four of us -- me, Trash, and our friends Kraftmatik and the Krank -- had gotten into the cab chattering excitedly about the Star Trek Experience we'd just been through at the Hilton, but one by one we stopped talking as we fell under the spell of what we were hearing. After a minute, I realized that Art's guest was Gordon Cooper, one of the original Mercury 7 astronauts (the one played by Dennis Quaid in The Right Stuff). People were calling in and asking him questions like whether he would have liked to go to the moon. You might not be surprised to hear that the answer was "Yes…?" But then another guy called in, someone who Gordo actually knew. Or at least the guy thought Gordo did: Caller: "I've e-mailed you several times under the name Spacemonkey[something]@aol.com?" Original Mercury 7 Astronaut Gordon Cooper: "..." The caller's question, this being the Art Bell show, was what Gordon Cooper, as a veteran of the space program and a man who had actually been into actual space, could tell him about aliens and UFOs. Because clearly he must have been fully briefed on who might meet out there, right? Unfortunately, Cooper didn't have much to say. So naturally Spacemonkey took his silence on the matter as being government-mandated and therefore proof of aliens and UFOs. I hope Spacey saw that story this week. Somewhere, he's probably smiling. And furiously firing off e-mails to a retired pilot in Miami. posted by M. Giant 2:02 PM 1 comments 1 Comments:
Oh man, I haven't thought about the Art Bell show in ages!
By Tuesday, October 21, 2008 Over His Head M. Edium loves the water. He loves his inflatable wading pool, the park wading pool, the beach, any hotel swimming pool regardless of size, the bath, the shower, sinks, hoses, sprinklers, rain, puddles, and a sippy-cup that he still insists on having in bed with him at night (although we call it a water bottle now, out of respect for his advanced maturity). He also loves fog, steam, and even extreme humidity. In Florida, where the windows on the air-conditioned buses were covered with condensation like soda cans, he was in his element. Still, we were a little later than we meant to be in getting him started on swimming lessons. But we've started now, and every Monday evening, a half hour before his normal bedtime, I put our swim trunks on under our pants, stick his pajamas and a couple of towels into a tote bag, and walk across the street with him to the high school. Well, except for last Monday evening, when he was asleep. In Florida. I remember when I was a kid in grade school, our swimming lessons were at the local junior high school pool. Before our class they had the baby "swimming" class, which as far as I could tell consisted of grown women slowly walking the length of the pool and periodically submerging the infants they were holding, studiously ignoring the fact that every molecule of air each baby got to take in was expelled with a few hundred added decibels of shrieking. I don't know if this is still in vogue today, but even at the time it bothered me, and I hated babies. Although now that those babies are grown up, it might explain why so many people in this country seem to be okay with waterboarding. So a few decades later, here I am getting in the pool with my own kid rather than handing him over to a Red Cross interrogation specialist. It's only a six-week course, so I wasn't expecting him to be able to swim the length of the pool underwater or anything, but so far what we seem to be concentrating on is helping the kids learn how to be moved along the surface of the water while being held by their parents. A little disappointing, since M. Edium had already more or less mastered that. It's good practice for listening to the teacher, however, which I'm sure a lot of us could use. And since the lessons only last thirty minutes, we're done by what is technically his bedtime. A bit of locker-room wrangling later, and we're home by the time he's supposed to be asleep. Which means he gets to sleep about two hours later than usual, an insignificant period of time in geological terms. The next class level is for small children who are comfortable being in over their heads without their parents. With only three remaining weeks of "hold your child in the water this way," I'm not sure he's going to graduate. Is it cynical of me to wonder if these lessons aren't just a moneymaking ploy by the greedy, rapacious Community Ed people? If so, that's fine. To be honest, I'm not ready for him to be comfortable in the pool without me, either. posted by M. Giant 5:25 PM 0 comments 0 Comments:Saturday, October 18, 2008 It's an M. Edium World After All Last weekend, we took M. Edium to a place you may or may not have heard of:  The first thing we did was go into a little house that kids could pretend to escape from because it was on fire.  When I used to dream about going to Disney World as a kid, this wasn't how I pictured it. He did get to do one of his favorite things in the world, there, however:  Coloring. Outside the Finding Nemo ride is a little table where kids could color badges for themselves. All the stools were filled, so M. Edium got to go behind the scenes, as it were. Are you worried that he might forget the stuffed Space Shuttle he picked up at Kennedy Space Center the day before? Because he will. Fortunately, when I run back to look for it, it's still there, on the table behind the "cast member," next to those small sunglasses. I don't know what became of the sunglasses. On day two, we went to the Magic Kingdom and got to catch the parade. M. Edium finally saw Beast in person.  Unfortunately, whatever it is about him that prevents him from going out in the rain apparently also blinds cameras that try to photograph him. Elusive fellow for someone who's so public. Also, a hairy fellow for someone who turned into Shaun Cassidy at the end of the movie. Hey, you know how in old Disney movies, the animals and little creatures come up to you and act adorable? Apparently the animals and little creatures at Disney World have to watch those movies as training films.  It's not the duck's fault he wasn't looking directly into my camera lens when I took this shot. I lug around a one-thousand kilopixel HP digital that was state-of-the-art in 2000. "Who are you going to beat to death with that?" asked my sister DeBitch the Younger as she twirled her own camera between her fingers like a credit card. Unfortunately, my shutter has about a two-second delay, so instead of getting a picture of a mallard smiling up at me I got a picture of him offering to tie my shoe. That should be it for the vacation photos. Until I run out of ideas again, or upload the ones from the last day. Whichever comes first. posted by M. Giant 9:39 PM 2 comments 2 Comments:Next time M. Edium wants to go to Disney World, let him know I will totally, totally take him.
By Have you no sisters? It was Robby Benson, not Shaun Cassidy -- you're half a generation off your teen idols.
By Wednesday, October 15, 2008 Rocket M. It's hard to say what M. Edium considers the highlight of our trip to Florida. It might be when we went to the Kennedy Space Center on Friday. Then again, it might be when we went to the Kennedy Space Center on Monday. In a long weekend that also included visits to Disney's Magic Kingdom and Epcot Center, his first answer upon being asked his favorite thing that he saw was "rockets."  Below: M. Edium walks across the very same walkway that Armstrong, Aldrin, and Collins used to go from the launch tower to Apollo 11. It's only a couple feet off the ground now, so I had to crouch way down to get this hero shot. Perhaps that's why he doesn't appear to fully apprehend the enormity of the moment.  Wondering how anyone could ever fit into a Mercury capsule:  You think you have an idea of how big a Saturn V rocket really is, until you find yourself in the same room with one. Holy God.  Check this out: Endeavor on Launch Pad 39B.  And Atlantis on Launch Pad 39A at the same time.  This almost never happens. I think M. Edium was hoping they would race. These shots are from the "observation gantry," three miles away from the launch pads – as close as civilians are allowed. Because of the orientation of the pads, however, you can't actually see either Shuttle from there when they're on the ground. Oops. I leave you with one last shot from the tour bus: the Vehicle Assembly Building, the largest enclosed space in the world. So big it's got curb appeal from six miles away.  And yet I nearly obscured the whole thing with my thumb. That's what makes me such an exceptional photographer. posted by M. Giant 8:39 PM 2 comments 2 Comments:holy hannah, that last picture is from 6 miles away?
By Okay, the whole thumb photo obscuring the building made me laugh pretty hard, thanks!
By Sunday, October 12, 2008 Cast Off Years ago, I read an article in Radar about the subculture that is the workforce of Walt Disney World. "Cast members," to you and me. There's a whole social hierarchy, and at the very pinnacle are the people who portray animated characters without having to wear a mask. You know, your Snow Whites, your Cinderellas, your Belles. They’re like Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club times some kind of exponent. M. Edium met one of those at EPCOT yesterday and totally dissed her. We were waiting around for Belle and the Beast to show up, but they were late because we were getting a little rain. I can't believe Uncle Walt would tolerate such things in His creation, but apparently it happens. And apparently, as a result, Belle and the Beast don't come out into the open for photo ops. Maybe it's because a guy wearing ninety pounds of synthetic fur doesn't want to go home smelling like a wet dog, or maybe it's because some homecoming queen on steroids doesn't want her wig going limp. Either way, we spent way too much time waiting around for nothing to happen. Inside one of the shops, there was an Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, who is probably better looking in real life without the giant blonde wig. At work, it kind of overwhelmed her face. Maybe that's why when she approached M. Edium and offered to be in a picture with him, he flatly said, "No." Finally we gave up on B&B. On our way to the front gate, we cut through Spaceship Earth. Hoping to leaven his disappointment at not getting to meet two of his animated heroes, Trash spotted a sign that read "Wait here for cast members." She asked me to go ask the two women standing next to the sign which "cast members" would be arriving. Since we were in Spaceship Earth, we thought there was a fair chance of meeting Wall-E or even EVE. Yes, I know EVE hovers above the ground, but you can't tell me Disney's imagineers haven't found a workaround for repulsorlift technology. The two women didn't seem to understand what I was asking them. I was like, "You know, the sign? Cast members? For a photo op or whatever?" Then one of them said, "We're the cast members," and I said, "Oh, okay then. Well, congratulations." Because what do you say after that? I had basically asked them, "The sign says to wait here for cool people, so where are they?" But they were good sports about it, offering to let us take their picture anyway. M. Edium loved the idea.  So far, that's the longest he's stood still for a picture all weekend, if not the longest time he's stood still period. And a blow for social cast(e) equality is struck. posted by M. Giant 7:23 PM 7 comments 7 Comments:From the photo I think the sign didn't refer to "photo ops" so much as cast members assisting those with limited mobility.
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Oh Beast. We waited more than once over at France so our kiddo could shake his hairy paw. Alas, the two days we were at Epcot were during Ridiculous Rain Thanks to Hurricane spells, and Beast never emerged. (Yeah, we saw Belle - like in four different places, actually, but never Beast.) Kiddo was so disappointed, but then one of the cast members told her that Beast is scared of thunder, and not to tell anyone because it is a secret, and Kiddo felt a lot better. She had classified intel on Beast, woo!
By Oooh! That stuffed space shuttle he's holding is really cool! Wait until you get to take him to Kennedy Space Center one day. It's a space geek's dream come true!
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Oh. I guess I sound pretty silly now that I read down farther and realize you DID just go to KSC. :0
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Space shuttle? I thought it was a hotdog.
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Actually, at the top of the hierarchy are Mickey and Minnie since they're the two that are on hand for all the big events and announcements.
By "Launch." Sheesh.
By Friday, October 10, 2008 Florida, Day 2 After spending much of the day at Kennedy Space Center, we decamped to the condo where we're spending the balance of the trip. It's different from where we were last night. That was a fairly basic hotel, an ex-Clarion with a giant courtyard a range of bars and restaurants (all closed), and apparently no other guests other than us. During the initial chaos of loading into our room last night, M. Edium pointed out to me where he'd stepped on a bug next to the door. I deferred dealing with it for a few minutes, partly because it looked like he'd merely crushed a large chocolate. One with a whole walnut in it or something. The thing he was pointing at was way too big to be an ex-bug. Let alone one that he'd stepped on barefoot without freaking out. But then, when I had time, I returned to the site and discovered what was in fact a disassembled palmetto bug. You know how most bugs leave a smear or a dark spot? This one left a debris field. I was impressed, and a little freaked out on his behalf. "You stepped on that?" I confirmed. "Yeah," he said calmly. "Did it bite you or anything?" "No." What was it like?" I persisted. "I put my foot on it and it felt ew," he explained. "I bet it did." "I think I'll wear my shoes next time." "Good idea." Then we went out to the pool. I wanted to point out the little lizard taking the sun on the brick border around the hedges, but it scampered out of sight into the greenery. Fortunately, upon closer inspection, four more were clearly visible from where we were standing. So he didn't miss out entirely. Haven't seen any non-human animal life at the new condo so far. Which is only one of the ways in which there's an entirely different vibe here. We could get used to this. posted by M. Giant 6:29 PM 4 comments 4 Comments:
When we were at WDW back in August, there were lizards and toads everywhere. (This is a novel thing to us, as the only wildlife seen in abundance in our neighborhood are deer, grasshoppers, snails and Canada geese.)
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I once ducked out after dark to put trash in the bin and stepped on a large slug. With my bare foot.
By Ahhh, Palmetto Bugs. The flying roaches of the south. I file that under "things I don't miss about living in that region of the country." Enjoy!
By Whoa. ****. Wait. Palmetto bugs can FLY!? Holy crap, I'm never going south again.
By Thursday, October 09, 2008 Florida, Day 1 M. Edium is becoming quite the seasoned traveler. Today he woke up before five, wheeled his own luggage through the airport terminal, took a two-and-a-half hour plane ride, switched planes with us in Atlanta, took another plane ride with us, and then waited with us for the dilatory airport shuttle to pick us up for the better part of an hour. And didn't have one single meltdown. Trash and I only had a few each, I'm glad to say. We had some good moments, though. On final approach into Hartsfield Airport, we could see the early start kind of catching up with him, as his eyes started to glaze over. I told him, "Of all the possible times for you to fall asleep today, this would be absolutely the worst. So he woke up. And then insisted that he had to poop immediately. So I had to shepherd him uphill to the back of the plane, wondering exactly how long I had in there wit him and his uncooperative bowels before I become a news headline. Luckily it didn't come to that. But I ended up being glad we didn't make him wait, because I didn't realize the state of ground traffic there. I've been on interstate road trips that took less time than the taxi from the runaway to the gate. I have to admit that I was a little sad that we weren't changing planes where M. Edium thought we were, which was in Atlantis. I would have been really curious to see how that worked. And then on the way to the hotel, we saw the first cool thing in Florida this trip: a parked B-52. Which almost made up for how long we had to wait for him to show up. posted by M. Giant 7:57 PM 1 comments 1 Comments:Do you have as much trouble as I do getting through an airport while trying to keep the theme from "The Amazing Race" out of your head? And do you find yourself thinking of everything as a task - "A Detour is a choice between two tasks. In 'Change it,' teams must get a struggling child into a clean diaper...'
By Tuesday, October 07, 2008 Out and About As I may or may not have mentioned here, we’re taking M. Edium to Florida later this month. The Orlando region, specifically. So what do you do with a nearly-four-year-old in that area? I mean, we don’t want him to get bored or anything, sitting around. If only there were some kind of theme park or, I don't know, rockets of some sort in the area. If anyone has any recommendations, please feel free to share. We don't want to have to pack too many DVDs. * * * Of course, if we were going to the other end of the country, and two weeks later, I'd just bring him to this. Ever since our dinner in July, when Pamie eased herself onto her broken tailbone into the seat across from me and told me her eight-wheeled secret, I've been hoping to see her in action someday. And I don't think I can count on E! having perfect timing if they're going to call me back out. So go for me. I'd ask you to get something to put on YouTube, but that's against the rules, and if there's one thing I learned at that dinner, you do not want to piss off a Derby Doll. They're dangerous enough when they're in neutral. * * * I'm also trying to get M. Edium to a concert at Orchestra Hall some time this season. Two years ago, we got tickets for me and him to take in a matinee of Peter and the Wolf or something. But then, on the way to the concert, he fell asleep in the car and refused to wake up, no matter how many quick stops, jumps, or bootlegger turns I did. So we went home and he finished his nap in his bed as opposed to the second balcony. This year we're playing it safe. He doesn't take afternoon naps any more, and thus doesn't fall asleep in the car during the day And more to the point, we're not paying for the tickets. I entered a drawing instead. I realize this limits our chances of actually securing tickets, but this way if we don't get to go, I take a nap. Seems only fair. * * * He had his first-ever swimming lesson this week, at the school across the street. It's only a half-hour session, so it's really not that big a time investment. Once you factor in the packing, walking over, changing, showering, showering again, drying off, changing again (with some additional drying off thrown in as necessary) and unpacking, all with a wriggling child, the whole thing ended up taking less than three hours out of my evening. Well worth it, now that he knows how to kick his feet in the water while I hold him. posted by M. Giant 11:22 AM 4 comments 4 Comments:Man, I loved swimming lessons as a kid. My poor mother had not only me and my sister to take, but also the three kids from next door (all five of us between the ages of 5 and 10). It was probably hell for her, but we loved it. That bleach-y, chlorine smell still takes me back...
By If you'd like some fun things to do in Orlando that aren't as touristy...I'd suggest things like the Orlando Science Center. Sounds stupid, but we LOVED it as kids. They have a killer Imax theater there. Try New Smyrna Beach (much calmer than Daytona), too. I practically grew up there. Manny's pizza at NSB is the best.
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MG-
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You totally have to take him to Wonder Works:
By Saturday, October 04, 2008 Cat Diet A couple of weeks ago, I brought Excavator in to meet Dr. M. for the first time. Dr. M. was back from her yearlong world tour, and I wanted her to get the chance to look him over and take his measure. Unfortunately, that measure is "fat." When we first met Exie, he was about the size of a squirrel, only black and with a bushier tail. We figured he was going to be big by the size of his paws. He didn't get as big as we thought, but now that he's a year and change, he really should probably stop growing. And he has, in certain directions. Not so much in others. He weighed in at twelve pounds. Which Dr. M. said isn't overweight. Yet. He's got about a half a pound before he gets there. This is mostly a judgment call, and from what I could tell, a big part of it is noticing that he's got a pretty small head in comparison to his body.  But what can we do about it, really? If we limit the amount of food that goes in their bowls, he won't eat any less. He'll eat the same amount, and Phantom will turn into a dust bunny. In fact, as a former barn cat, he might even worry that his food supply is drying up and eat every meal as though it's his last. And Phantom's, too. And then he'll eat Phantom. Dr. M.'s suggestion is to keep a close eye on his weight, and if he balloons out to twelve and a half pounds, we're going to have to start feeding them separately. That means locking Phantom in a room with her bowl for however long it takes her to eat, which, considering how contrary she generally is, will probably be about six hours. The only thing that will take longer is catching her so I can put her in there. But it's not looking like we're going to have much of a choice. Exie's already begun to develop that first, worst sign of a truly fat cat: a stinky ass. I try to brush him, but that doesn't always fully address the problem. And then there's nothing for it but to grab the cat and a handful of tissues and start harvesting dingleberries. Except, because of the length of his fur, he doesn't so much get dingleberries as these spiky little poo bits. More like dingleburrs. So that leaves one possibility: switching to food he hates. Alas, I'm not certain such a thing exists. He's the first cat we ever had who begs at the table. But if something isn't done, he's going to end up with diabetes or something. I did Strat's injections for four years, and it took me months to get used to not have to doing them. I don't want to have to get used to them again. Just in case, though, I'm holding onto Strat's leftover insulin. posted by M. Giant 6:33 PM 7 comments 7 Comments:
We dealt with this, but we had a normal-to-skinny cat and a 23 pound moster cat before we found a remotely effective way of dealing with it.
By Mary Ann FTW! Good night, rest of the Internet.
By my god that photo is brilliant
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Seriously - a brilliant idea. Way to go, Mary Ann!
By Totally brilliant Mary Ann. I am sending that picture to my friends who have a similar small cat/fat cat dilemma. Rock on!
By The best part is how Fatty is perched on top of the plastic container, giving lazer eyez to the camera. Because that lid's gonna have to come off sometime, yo.
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I feed the skinny one in the bathroom and the fat one gets diet food in the kitchen. The door to the bathroom is closed when no one is in there. Since I go in and out of the bathroom pretty often, there are plenty of opportunities for skinny to come in with me and eat. And fat boy doesn't come into the bathroom at all. The only disadvantage is that skinny thinks he should have someone with him to eat. So if he's eating and you're done in the bathroom, you feel responsible to stay there until he's done.
By Wednesday, October 01, 2008 Drive Hey, what's up? Oh, I'm sorry. Was that a bit shady of me, to just start things out with a link like that? Well, if so, I don't really care. Because it's time for Sarah's Tomato Nation contest, and as always, we really want to help her meet her goal. Not just because it's a great cause aimed at helping educate the kids who will one day be expected to take care of us and fix this country we broke so bad, but because of what Sars will do if she makes it. Two years ago, she shaved her head. Last year, she danced around 30 Rock in a giant tomato costume. This year, if donors reach the goal, she's putting the tomato costume back on and taking the train to Washington, D.C. Who knows what'll happen next year -- she might dance to D.C. in the tomato costume and shave Joe Lieberman's head. Obviously all the Velcrometer ad money from this month is going there. Plus all of M. Edium's birthday money. It's not like anyone ever remembers what they got for their fourth birthday anyway. Here's what we've supported so far: "Drumming Our Way to Success." We first noticed M. Edium's fascination with the percussive arts when he wandered in front of the TV while the climactic scene from "Drumline" was on playing on TBS or something. He was riveted. Today, he claims that he's going to be a trumpeter when he gets older, but in the meantime, he sure enjoys his little drum set. And every drum set in every music store we ever go into. "Boys Love Books Too!" (already funded) No kidding. Ours certainly loves his bedtime stories, his dinnertime stories, his breakfast-time stories, his snacktime stories, and his eclipse-time stories. He even likes driving-time stories, even when he's alone in the back seat with nobody to read them to him and he has to hold the book high up and open so I can read it in the rearview mirror. Other drivers don't seem to like those stories as much. "We're All 'Write!'" (already funded) M. Edium once asked me, "Daddy, why are you writing all the time?" I've been drafting an e-mail response to him ever since. But not all kids grow up in homes where writing happens at all, and the process can become intimidating for them. Hence the writing center Mrs. G. wants to create in her classroom. I was encouraged to write when I was in early grade school, by teachers as well as my parents, and it helped make me the writer I am today. No, you can't have their names. "No Scientist Left Behind." Science is M. Edium's favorite part of school. One time he literally came running out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles when he thought science was about to start. Part of his interest is because they get to do hands-on type of stuff instead of confining lessons to a textbook that he wouldn't be able to read yet anyway. Mrs. R. wants to be able to do the same for her classrooms with Science Activity Kits, even if her kids can read the books. After all, which do you remember more from grade school: your textbook's chapter on photosynthesis, or the time your class brought a quantity of plutonium to critical mass? I thought so. So please give to one of these, or pick your own. Do it quickly, though, because these babies have a tendency to fill up. And when a six-foot tomato boards the train for the nation's capital, you're going to want a piece of that action, for sure. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, I'm donating a prize: it's a signed, personalized copy of A TV Guide to Life, to go with the unsigned one you no doubt already own. And I promise I'll get this one out faster than I did to the winner of the same prize in the Dewey Donation Drive this spring. It's already in my house, for one thing. And it's already made out to you. How did I know you'd win? I'll explain on the flyleaf. Update: Trash reminded me of a fifth project we're helping fund, "My Most Requested Books, or I'll Die If I Can't Read This!" (already funded) That happened to a kid I knew. Tragic, and so preventable. posted by M. Giant 7:39 PM 4 comments 4 Comments:
Unless there's more than one M. Giant running around Minneapolis, I'm guessing you were one of the donors that helped fund my proposal (aka I'll Die If I Don't Read This--true quote from one of my students.)
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Tell M. Edium that I'll make it up to him on the birthday tip.
By If I win the signed copy, I'll give my unsigned copy to an uninformed friend. It's important to spread the love.
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I agree. If I win your signed book, I will gift my unsigned copy to a worthy beneficiary.
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