M. Giant's
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Sunday, December 16, 2007  

Monster Cookie Weeekend

This is the weekend that Trash and Blaine do their Christmas cookie baking extravaganza. I'm sure M. Small's friend Squirrel Goodnut, the cat-sized rodent who lives in our backyard and has gotten fat stealing fudge and other treats out of locked coolers on our front step for the past several years, has been looking forward to it for weeks.

Except that last week, Blaine called and suggested baking at her house instead (she lives in Apple Valley now and not Blaine, but I'm not going to change her pseudonym now). Trash jumped at the chance to skip destroying our kitchen for a year, but afterwards she had a brief moment of regret. How will Squirrel Goodnut react? I suggested trying to catch him and driving him down to Blaine's house when she went to do the baking, and then forgetting to bring him back, but I don't think Trash took me seriously.

Every year, they learn something from the previous year. Like, I once suggested not making so many mint-flavored items, because they made everything else on the tray taste like mint too. This year they added coffee-flavored cookies. I really hope the same principle doesn't apply. If I wanted all the cookies to taste like burnt topsoil, I'd sprinkle some over the plate.

What they learned last year is that they didn't make enough. The way it usually works is that they spend a week in advance separately making dough in their spare time. Then on Friday and Saturday, the baking happens. This includes not only the pre-mixed dough, but things like bars and reindeer antlers and multicolored chocolates that look like little wrapped presents. The last day is when the finished product gets distributed among all the trays and containers.

Last year during this final stage, they were kind of embarrassed because they'd bought this new kind of Tupperware container that kept the cookies fresher, but were a little larger. Except when they went to fill them, they turned out to be a lot larger. Normally every tray gets a slice of bread thrown in to keep the cookies from going stale. Some of the containers that year got two slices of bread to keep the cookies from rattling around.

They weren't about to make the same mistake this year. They cut down on the number of different varieties, and only made thirty. But they doubled or quadrupled most of the recipes to make sure they still had enough actual cookies.

I wasn't in on any of this year' process until today, when M. Small and I joined Trash at Blaine's house to make the crack cookies and help with filling the bins. It turned out that in their eagerness to make sure they had enough cookies, they had failed to take something into account. And that's the number of people we know who've left the state this year.

Just off the top of my head, this year saw the departure of Bitter, Linda, and Feb, and I don't even know how many people Blaine doesn't give cookies to any more. The result is that when it came time to fill the bins, they filled fast. But the containers of finished cookies did not empty nearly as quickly. Normally I get my hand slapped for sneaking cookies during this weekend. This year I got my hand slapped for not sneaking enough.

By the time I was assigned to slip the slices of bread in there, we were beginning to wonder how we would do it. "It's just Wonder Bread," I said optimistically. "Air and sugar. I can roll the slices into little balls." They thought that would defeat the purpose, though.

What ended up happening is that we left with a bunch of containers with bulging lids. We left a bunch of cookies over at Blaine's house, and took home several batches that we have no idea what to do with.

So I guess the point of this entry is…does anybody know how to e-mail cookies?

posted by M. Giant 7:48 PM 6 comments

6 Comments:

DO NOT GIVE AWAY MY COOKIES. I will send you my sister's address, and Trash can mail them to me there, as she has already offered. AH WANT COOKIES!

By Blogger Linda, at December 16, 2007 at 8:20 PM  

You also forgot that you did not give a batch to Squirrel Goodnut this year - I am sure he is waiting for his tray... ?

By Anonymous Misty, at December 17, 2007 at 12:25 PM  

They make 30 different types of cookies? Just thinking about it makes me tired.
and hungry

By OpenID ilikeblue, at December 17, 2007 at 6:41 PM  

My crack cookies are still the world cookie champions! Haha - Suck that, chocolate chip! And Merry Christmas.

By Anonymous Katie, at December 18, 2007 at 1:03 PM  

I have a FedEx account. Does that rate a bin of cookies?

By Blogger ureallyannoyme, at December 19, 2007 at 7:50 PM  

Those crack cookies really are the best! I sense a recipe that is going to be a very good friend from now on...

By Blogger Traci, at December 23, 2007 at 7:31 PM  

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