M. Giant's
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Tuesday, November 23, 2010  

Gator Aid

M. Edium is amazing in a lot of ways, but imagination and creativity aren't his strongest points. All of his stuffed friends are named after either what kind of animal they are or after himself, and while most kids are always making up stories and starring in the movies in their heads, M. Edium makes up newspaper articles and stars in mental documentaries.

So Trash and I weren't surprised when we went to conferences with his kindergarten teacher and she showed us some of his artwork. It was all pretty devoid of flights of fancy. There was a cutaway view of our house, with all of us in it. There he was with his karate trophy, smiling a giant smile. There was an airplane with little word balloons pointing to where we were inside the cabin (a few rows ahead of the wings, as always). There was his bedroom, with his bunk bed and his dresser, with Bucky in his exercise ball on the floor. His dresser had a few extra drawers, but that might have just been wishful thinking.

And then there was the last one, which showed him being chased by an alligator past a windmill.

"Okay, we promise this never happened," we told his teacher, who by this point is probably almost as familiar with his verité worldview as we are. We know that teachers are required to report any signs of abuse, so we were momentarily worried that maybe Social Services had already heard horror stories about us trying to feed our child to large aquatic predators. In the Netherlands.

His teacher assured us that wasn't the case; he had only drawn a picture of one of his favorite parts of our trip to Colorado -- the part where we played miniature golf. Which we would have known if we'd bothered to flip the sheet over to read the full-page caption that he writes on the back of all his school pictures, instead of instantly freaking out.

Just to be sure, though, when we got home, we made sure M. Edium knows what to do in the event of an alligator attack. He knows to get low and go if there's a house fire, and thanks to karate he knows lots of ways to foil a kidnapper, but now we know that if he's getting chased by an alligator he runs inside and locks the door.

"And then give him some Gatoradeâ„¢," M. Edium added, referring to the punch line of his favorite riddle, which asks what an alligator's favorite drink is.

So maybe he's not as literal-minded as we thought.

posted by M. Giant 6:49 PM 0 comments


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