M. Giant's
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Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Friday, August 20, 2010  

Private M.

Thursday nights are a little crazy around our house this month. Trash is an adjunct professor at a local university, teaching an online university class to the next generation of researchers. And I'm weecapping Big Brother. Since both of these activities are of roughly equal importance to society, what is to be done with M. Edium?

Well, the other night, he spent part of the evening with our neighbors up the street. They have a daughter and son one and two years younger than M. Edium, respectively, and the three of them are great friends (much as their parents have become in the past year). During this visit, the kids wanted to play with the toy coffee maker, but the toy coffee pot was missing, and apparently has been for some time. M. Edium suggested using a glass or a bowl in its place, but their mom explained that they're not allowed to play with the toy at all until they find the missing piece. A perfectly reasonable incentive to encourage the kids to quit losing their shit all the goddamn time, in other words.

Other kids might whine. Other kids might forget about it and move on. Our kid reached into his pocket and handed her his business card, which reads, in part:

[M. Edium]
Detective


"I can help you with that problem," he said.

Yes, this really happened.

In order for you to believe me, I can see that I need to back up. M. Edium this year became a fan of Jigsaw Jones mysteries, a series of hard-boiled detective novels that are similar to the old Dashiell Hammett and Mickey Spillane tales of yore, except that the gumshoe in these stories is in second grade.

After having us read a number of these books to him, M. Edium decided to become a detective himself, just like Jigsaw Jones. Jigsaw's slogan is, "For a dollar a day, we make problems go away." A slogan which M. Edium has shamelessly appropriated. Because as much as he wants to be like his literary hero, he wants to get money even more.

So a few weeks ago, Trash ordered him a box of those free business cards from VistaPrint, set up an online presence for him, and he was in business as a detective.

So far he's already solved two cases. One was helping Trash find her sunglasses (which, between you and me, she hadn't actually lost) and another was finding a library book (which I actually found and then all but directed him to with a Socratic barrage of rhetorical questions), and he's earned a dollar for each. But this is the first time he's been hired by someone outside the family. And I have to say, I'm impressed with his ability to drum up business. He's taking it seriously, too. He even started a detective journal like Jigsaw's. Although so far it only has a crude drawing of the missing toy coffee pot and he had to borrow the notebook from his friends' mom.

I just hope I don't have to be over at the neighbors' house when he launches into his search for the kids' missing coffee pot. Some detectives in mystery novels go into some pretty dangerous places, but something tells me that one of the most dangerous places on our block is between M. Edium and a dollar.

posted by M. Giant 9:14 PM 2 comments

2 Comments:

That is extremely cute, M. Giant. You two are such great parents! I'm currently pregnant and reading your blog highlights all the fun stuff ahead.

By Anonymous koleen, at August 21, 2010 at 4:35 AM  

Our kid is presently quite enamored of the old Encyclopedia Brown series, which she's been reading with my husband (Encyclopedia apparently held a very special place in Daddy's heart and memory, and I enjoyed his exploits as a kid myself). I haven't heard of Jigsaw Jones, but am adding the name to our library list for this week's trip!

I've got a couple of things that are missing that I could use a detective's help in locating... any chance M.Edium has a cheap enough per diem charge to make a trip east doable for my budget?

By Blogger Heather, at August 22, 2010 at 1:33 PM  

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