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Tuesday, November 24, 2009  

Wake-Up Call

There are few things I hate more than getting out of bed in the morning before I'm ready. Since that happens pretty much daily, it's usually the low point of my day.

Of course, there are snooze alarms to gently ease you into your day, but we all know what a mixed blessing those are. Mine lives on my bedside table, and I can't even begin to tell you how good I've gotten at being so asleep I'm legally brain-dead, and yet still being able lash out at that snooze button like a king cobra, cutting off whatever the radio voice is saying before it's completed its first syllable.

But I think I wore it out. A couple of weeks ago, my snooze quit working. I'd hit it at 7:00, and again at 7:09, and the next thing I knew, Trash was going "What the hell!?!" at 7:45 because it never went off again. Which was totally worth it for the extra rest as far as I was concerned, but Trash insisted I find a workaround.

I actually considered replacing my old clock radio, which cost like ten dollars in 1990 money, but then I realized I already have a new one: my cell phone. I remember Bitter using hers for that purpose when she lived with us, and since she worked nights while I was working days down the hall, I used to overhear some snooze cycles that were nothing short of epic.

So that first night, as a backup to my old alarm clock that snoozed in one cycle of nine minutes and then another cycle of 1,431 minutes, I had my cell phone out on the side table.

That was pretty disorienting, that first morning. When you're in bed and it's still dark and you hear your cell phone ring, you know it's never good news. In this case, it was the worst news possible; it was almost time to get up.

But I fumbled around, finally figuring out how to get the thing to snooze. I repeated the process a few times, each time conscious that it was getting later and we really needed to get up. But when I finally, at last, got out of bed, it was only 7:15. Looks like my cell phone is on a five-minute snooze cycle. Hmm.

Again, it's a mixed blessing. Five minutes goes by awfully fast in snooze mode. But then so does nine minutes. Plus I get to have that decadent sense of "just a little longer" for a few more times.

It took a while to work the kinks out of this new system. Like the night I left it in my sweatshirt pocket and had to get up and dig for it to make it snooze. After I got back in bed, it took me almost half of one of those five minutes to fall back asleep, and I'd already used up the first half of that minute. I still haven't made it up.

But now I'm getting to be an old pro. Plus there's something else you can do with a cell phone you can't do with an alarm clock: hold it in your hand, muffled by the covers, with your finger on the snooze. This morning I managed to stretch things out until 7:20, which is longer than three snoozes on the old clock, but shorter than four. So really, I was still ahead.

There are only two things that concern me. The first is that I have the phone programmed to do this Thursday through Friday, and if I forget to deactivate it the night before Thanksgiving, I'll be quite disappointed at not being able to sleep in.

Or maybe I won't? Maybe I'll go ahead and savor the snoozing over and over, waking up just enough to squeeze the button and think, Don't have to get up over and over. I can't think of a way to start the holiday with more gratitude.

The other thing I'm worried about is that it's probably only a matter of time before Trash makes me get one of those alarm clocks that jumps off the table and crawls under your dresser and won't stop until you get up to fish it out.

posted by M. Giant 7:48 PM 2 comments


If you ever listen to the Gadgettes podcast on cnet, they did an entire episode awhile back all about various alarm clocks. Included: Clocky (the rolling one you mentioned), the Wakin' Bacon (wake up to the delicious smell of cooking bacon!), and the DangerBomb (connect the wires in the right sequence to shut it up!)

By Blogger Jackie, at November 24, 2009 at 8:33 PM  

I have a clock on which I can set one alarm for the radio and one for the buzzer. I set the radio for an hour before the buzzer. After I've drifted in and out of the news for an hour the buzzer isn't so bad. Only downside is the odd dreams I have in that hour of news.

By Anonymous bodiva, at November 26, 2009 at 7:46 PM  

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