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Monday, June 29, 2009  

The Quarter in Movies (Part 1)

I love the end of the quarter this year, because suddenly I have two free entries I don't have to think up topics for. Here's the first batch of movies I saw the last few months, starting in April.

Monsters Vs. Aliens

If there's a way to recap 24 for almost five years and not be distracted by Kiefer Sutherland's voice as General Monger in this, I haven't discovered it. As for another cast member of this movie whom I regularly recap, M. Edium was deeply affected by Rainn Wilson's Gallaxar. "That alien is so dumb," he kept saying. Which was the worst word he knew, until he learned "flegnod."

Even so, I didn't realize how deeply it had affected M. Edium until weeks later, when he asked me, "Someday, can we go to where the Golden Gate Bridge used to be?" I had to explain to him that despite what happened in the movie, the Golden Gate Bridge is still very much there. Now he wants to see it even more. So then I explained to him about a thing called "traffic."

Observe and Report

There's a point in this movie where a guy walks out of a room, saying, "I thought this was going to be funny, but it's actually kind of sad." It's not often that a movie reviews itself so effectively. Seth Rogen tests the limits of his appeal as a deluded, violent, racist mall security guard and – oh, uh, Seth? Your limits are back there. Somewhere. Yeah, that's going to be kind of a hike back. No, you can't have a ride. Take your stupid golf cart, maybe.

State of Play

Russell Crowe didn't really need to be tubby for this role; I just think he enjoys putting on weight. There, I said it. I saw this with Linda while she was in town, and while we both found the story absorbing and appreciated how it treated us like grown-ups, both of us had to spend a inordinate amount of energy trying not to be offended at the denigration of bloggers. By the same token, was the climactic confrontation scene really the best place for that impassioned defense of print media? And then at the end, we learn that the nicest and most generous thing you can possibly do for a blogger is call her a reporter. News flash: not everyone considers that a promotion, movie.

But as always, Bateman stole it. Fucking klepto.

Star Trek

Loved the main cast, although I kept finding myself wishing it were bigger. Probably because Scotty doesn't show up until halfway through, but still. The peripheral cast, not so much. Ben Cross as Sarek was in desperate need of a laxative, and Winona Ryder did nothing to dispel the effectiveness of the international charades sign for "Winona Ryder" (press the backs of your hands together in front of your chest and adopt a wide-eyed, mournful expression). Yet I still want to see who they eventually cast as Christine Chapel, Chief Kyle, and Yeoman Rand (as long as the last one is Jenna Fischer).

Fantastic action sequences, even if some of them were a little unlikely. Like, Redshirt Olsen's space suit is sufficiently shielded to protect him (and Kirk and Sulu) during reentry, but the drill beam instantly incinerates him? Come now. I didn't really have issues with the continuity problems people have complained about; obviously the timeline is screwed right at the beginning, so we just have to get used to the fact that this new Kirk gets handed command of the Enterprise after saving it, not after his heroics as a young lieutenant during a crisis on the Farragut, as everyone knows. Plus it's a shame that his brother Sam is never born. And the Enterprise is built on the ground, rather than in dry dock? That seems a waste of energy getting it off the ground.


Also, the timeline crisis doesn't really explain how there are suddenly cliffs in Iowa.

It's a good thing I didn't bring M. Edium to this. In addition to many other scary, noisy parts, there would have been the added trauma of seeing the Golden Gate Bridge in jeopardy again. Remind me to never let him watch that episode of Eli Stone that AB wrote.

More movies in a few days, because who knows if I'll see another one before the quarter ends? Okay, I do, and I won't, but there's still more coming.

posted by M. Giant 7:52 PM 1 comments


The drill beam is a) from the 25th century and b) designed to DRILL TO THE CORE OF PLANETS, so I bought that it was hotter than re-entry. Also JJ Abrams making the redshirt go -poof!- was funny.

And according to the screenwriters, they build ships on the ground because then you don't have to outfit all your builders with space suits, and the gravity-generation plates are calibrated before you take the ship up. I'm sure some CalTech nerd will figure the actual energy costs, but I suppose it's close enough on the Phlebotinum expenditure that I can go with it.

By Blogger Febrifuge, at July 5, 2009 at 7:44 PM  

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