Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
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M. Giant's Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks |
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009 Elsewhere on the Web I figure now is as good a time as any to tell you about another project I've been working on. I took on a new paid blogging gig a while ago, writing for a thing called SparkLife. It's a humor blog that's a spinoff of SparkNotes, which in turn is run by Barnes & Noble. And I'm one of a group of writers, so you'll see a bunch of other names under a lot of the funny pieces. The best part is that it's aimed at high school and college students, which is perfect for me, because I used to be one. Never mind how long ago right now. The point is that now I'm all hip to what the kids are into these days. 23-skidoo! Of course, I'm wide open to ideas for entries. Anybody reading this in their school computer lab, feel free to pass along any ideas you think would be of interest to today's youth. Especially if you are a youth. * * * Just for an example, here's a piece I wrote for last week, that didn't get used because it kind of falls outside the usual brief, in the sense that we don't really get into TV. Nothing to stop me using it here, through. Will The Hills be the same without Lauren? Of course it won't, but then who ever thought a sequel series to Laguna Beach would ever work without Kristin? You remember Kristin, right? No? Well, trust us. Still, Lauren's departure leaves a gaping hole in the cast, and we at SparkLife know just the person to fill it. Actually, we know several. Now, keep in mind that you don't want somebody too much like Lauren, because this is all about an opportunity to make a big change. So here goes. Blake Lively. Everyone knows that The Hills is totally scripted anyway, so why not cast someone who actually knows how to act? The Gossip Girl star is an obvious choice, but maybe it would be too much of a shock to cast someone who can act too well. Maybe it would be better to raid the cast of 90210 Kim Kardashian. She's used to being in front of reality TV cameras, plus the famous bad girl could certainly spice up some of those boring stretches. Wait, is it Kim we're thinking about ? Oh, put one of the other ones in there. We don't care. Lauren Graham. Yes, she's a bit older than the target demographic, but we're so tired of those long scenes where nobody says anything. We want to hear some witty chattering, darn it, and nobody gives better or wittier chatter than Rory Gilmore's former mom. Bill Cosby. Let's face it, what these girls really need in their lives is some guidance. The Cos can not only provide that with humor, funny faces, and a sweater collection that would make Stephanie even more envious than usual -- he's also got a doctorate in education. And God knows someone needs to school Spencer. Julie Chen. She's got nearly a decade of experience making insignificant developments seem totally earth-shattering as the host of Big Brother. Would we ever get tired of her weekly declarations that something was "the biggest power play in Hills history" or "the biggest betrayal in Hills history?" We think not. Hang on, everyone, it's going to be a long night. Marilyn Manson. It's a show about the beautiful people, after all. And you can't tell us that he and Brody wouldn't be best bros forever. Okay, you can, but we won't believe you. posted by M. Giant 8:46 AM 1 comments 1 Comments:I would pay a kazillion dollars to see Bill Cosby take on Spencer. What a douche.
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