M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Monday, April 20, 2009  

Bag It II (The Baggening)

Last Saturday, I solved several problems at once. The problems were as follows:

1. We had a bunch of leaves in our yard that fell over the winter, that needed to be raked and bagged up.
2. I didn't know where the leaf bags were.
3. We have all these goddamn plastic shopping bags in our house.

When I started gathering up the leaves on Saturday morning, Trash asked me if I had found the leaf bags. "Nope!" I said cheerfully. "Oh, that's right," she sighed.

See, the thing about big, black leaf bags is that they're awkward and unwieldy. The opening keeps falling shut on you, so you need four hands to hold it open and another three to shovel the leaves into it. Which you have to do quickly, because a pile of leaves does not last long in a yard where there's a four-year-old with eyes and feet. Then, when that's done, you've got a thirty-odd pound bundle of organic matter to haul to the curb, where it may or may not be picked up by the city, depending on what time of year it is. I call bullshit.

Whereas, if you grab a bunch of shopping bags, it goes much quicker. A few single handfuls of leaves into a Target sack only takes a minute, plus it leaves you with a portable, pumpkin-sized bag to deal with. Genius! In fact, I think I may have actually solved five or six problems at once, depending on how you count them.

After that was done, Trash and I moved on to M. Edium's fenced-in play area in the backyard, which had accumulated a dead-leaf bed roughly six feet in depth. Can you imagine how many plastic bags I could have gotten rid of back there?

But the problem was that I had failed to take into account M. Giant's Law, which states that the fastest way to find something is to replace it. Yes, Trash had discovered the real leaf bags in the garage, and she was insisting on doing this the old-fashioned way. At least now we know where our leaf bags are, which is another problem I solved right there.

The plastic shopping bag problem ended up not being as solved as I'd hoped, because despite getting rid of more than a dozen of them, the pile of them didn't seem any smaller at all. But I knew there were less than there had been; the proof was there in the trash bin.

What, I was supposed to pile a bunch of Walgreens bags by the curb? I think not. And anyway, you can't solve that many problems without creating at least one new one.

posted by M. Giant 1:49 PM 4 comments

4 Comments:

You're supposed to put all the walgreen bags into the large black leaf bag out by the curb. Then there is no hauling of heavy stuff to the curb.

By Blogger John, at April 20, 2009 at 4:55 PM  

You need one of these ( http://www.acehardwareoutlet.com/(tcrq2245zbpyoc45b33upy55)/ProductDetails.aspx?SKU=68617 ) - they slip inside the bag & hold the sucker open & upright.

By Anonymous mosprott, at April 22, 2009 at 6:16 AM  

Next time you are going to Minnehaha Falls or Lake of the Isles, take your surplus bags by the dog park. There's a big bin by the entrance for clean bags, which people use to clean up after the dogs when they run out of their own/forget to bring some.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at April 23, 2009 at 11:35 AM  

If you send me your plastic shopping bags I will send you the brown paper handle-bags from Whole Foods and Trader Joe's my husband and I have stacked up in our broom closet. They're getting overwhelming.

Also, I thought you would be amused to know that "Stop doing shit like that, David Byrne" from your Big Love recaps has attained catch-phrase status in our house. :-) Love your blog!

By OpenID dulcian, at April 23, 2009 at 12:33 PM  

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