M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Saturday, March 14, 2009  

M. Edium's at his grandparents' house for the evening, so I'm looking forward to a night uninterrupted by needing to help a small human go to the bathroom, or waking up with him next to me in bed. I shouldn't complain, I know. It used to be much worse, four years ago. As this week's rerun demonstrates.

Humpblog (1/05/05)

Overheard while putting away clean laundry the other day:

“Why are the legs of these pants all knotted up like this?”

“Well, they’re yoga pants, aren’t they?”

* * *

I’m nobody’s brain trust at the best of times, but when I first wake up, look out. Especially now that I’m waking up every night to help take care of the baby. So particularly look out if you are the baby.

Not long ago, I got up, mixed the proper pre-measured amount of water with the proper pre-measured amount of formula, stirred it up well, picked up the baby, settled him in my lap in his favorite feeding position (reclined), picked up the bottle, and inverted it over M. Tiny’s mouth preparatory to slipping in the nipple. Whereupon I realized—too late—that I had forgotten to screw the nipple back on.

Yes, I literally threw my son’s drink in his face.

He took it really well. In fact, he had no reaction at all. He just gazed up at me, silently, calmly, with formula dripping from his nose, mouth, jowls, neck, and pajama top. I was so grateful that he’s not old enough to realize that he’d just been dissed as badly as he’s ever likely to be dissed by an adult in his life. He minded the wiping more than anything else.

Trash took the kid from me before I accidentally set him on fire or something. While she took care of him, I went downstairs, knocked a bunch of shit over in the kitchen, tripped over my own feet, and nearly fell out the bathroom window while peeing.

These are the moments we’ll look back on fondly one day. Perhaps on a day when he's old enough to laugh at me for knocking my glasses into the toilet or something.

* * *

Overheard while putting away Christmas stuff the other day:

“Aw, look at Turtle, sitting in that empty storage bin.”

“Yeah. She’s a box Turtle.”

* * *

Heard on the local 80s radio station during the past holiday season:

“That was ‘The Little Drummer Boy,’ from Bing Crosby and David Bowie. Those two can sing together thanks to modern technology.”

Actually, I was under the impression that they were able to sing together on account of being in the same room at the same time once, back in the 70s. Modern technology was a lot less modern and a lot more literal back then.

* * *

Today's best search phrase: "krispy creme guitar pedal brian may -donut." I thought DragonAttack knew the search phrase contest was long over. I'll have to remind her, I guess.

posted by M. Giant 9:14 PM 2 comments

2 Comments:

That's the one! Still cracks me up. Poor tiny M.Edium.

Thanks for the rerun!

By Blogger dancing_lemur, at March 15, 2009 at 1:20 PM  

Excellent rerun!
Those Humpblogs were great, & the search phrases, too, always a crack-up.
And Turtle! Sweet little Turtle.
Thanks for the memories.

By Anonymous stripeymeow, at March 16, 2009 at 9:47 AM  

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