M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Tuesday, March 17, 2009  

How Deep Is Your Love?

Trash is taking over for me for another entry. Dude, this is sweet.

You know how you will be watching a TV show, enjoying it a regular amount, and then something - or someone - will suddenly stand out in a way that makes it the BEST SHOW EVER? That's how I feel about Law and Order: Sex Police, because of my great affection for Mr. Ice-T (or as I keep wanting to type it, Ice-Tea.).

I know he spends most of his time on the show barking his lines like a drill sergeant, ignoring all nuance within the sentences and avoiding the use of pauses or inflection. I realize that the directors have given up on trying to help him improve, and have resorted to directing him to either enter or leave a room while speaking his lines, just to give him some sort of motivation. I understand that the other actors - many of whom are quite talented in their own right - sometimes add an extra pause at the end of a line, as though attempting to convince themselves that yes, he is actually supposed to be on the show.

I don't care. I love him. LOVE him. In my mind, he is brilliant. The way he chooses to look blank as an emotive choice, the times he is still talking after he has left the screen, the fact that you can see him looking for the invisible *X* that should tell him when to stop walking - and talking - when he crosses the room. I love it all. I used to watch the show with our friends Linda and Bitter and I would make them hush whenever he was on the screen. Of course, most episodes he isn't on the screen for longer than a couple of minutes, but sometimes I was lucky and he would have several lines in a row.

In fact, my favorite episode of any show EVER was called "Haunted", or as I like to call it "39 Stories About Ice-T." The episode is clearly his Emmy reel, as all of the lead characters on the show are given at least one episode to show their stuff to the judges. In "39 Stories", the directors haven't bothered to write an entire episode, with a linear plotline. They obviously understand it would be asking too much of their muse. Rather, they have the start of 39 different stories, and they let him go in each one until he is spent, usually 2-3 minutes into the plot.

Ice-T stops a bodega shooting? Check! Ice-T is assumed to have shot an unarmed boy? Check! Ice-T has a reunion with his estranged, gay son? Is accused of allowing a girl to die when he was working undercover narcotics? Breaks up a meth lab? Saves a baby? Check! Check! Check! Check! It's as though they emptied out the drawer of starter plots and used all of them in this one episode. The other cast members make cursory appearances, but to provide Ice with a partner they had to go outside, and bring in someone unaffiliated with the show. Well, do you blame the others? How could their own Emmy reels possibly stand up against this one? Luckily the new partner is hot, and often shirtless, so everyone wins.

Last year, Tara took pity on me and my laments about the infrequent airings of "39 Stories" and recapped the episode for me. She found all of the elements that I love best about the episode, and more. I had forgotten some of the finest elements of Ice's acting, the poignant pauses as he struggled to remember his lines and the way he squints to look menacing, because really? The recaps remains one of my most cherished possessions, and no, you may not borrow it.

This past week Tara sent me a link to a recent commercial The T filmed for the new Conan O'Brian show, and it's a little upsetting, because in the ad he appears to be acting. Not yelling, or muttering, but acting. Check it out:

It is a little worrisome, because it raises the possibility that his acting on the show is intentional, which might ruin my enjoyment…. No, that's a lie. It would add yet another layer to this amazing two-dimensional man.

Moreover, this weekend Tara and Dave informed me that, while they were out of town, SVU has filmed close to their home in Manhattan, and they MISSED it. After expressing my disappointment in them for having lives outside of Ice-T, Dave offered to enhance a photo that should have already existed.

I think my life is now complete.


posted by M. Giant 8:59 PM 8 comments


This is not complete without your reenactment of him walking across a room, pausing to read his line, and continuing.

By Blogger Linda, at March 17, 2009 at 9:24 PM  

I think this is the one place where I can make this, my deepest, darkest confession:

I *heart* Ice-T too. *He* is the reason I watch SVU. Stabler? Benson? Munch? (Okay, Munch can be amusing...) Windtalker? (Yeah, he didn't last long.) It's all about the Tea, baby.

I want to see video footage of the reenactment Linda describes above, please......... :D

By Blogger Heather, at March 18, 2009 at 4:32 AM  

You really sell it in that photo.

By Blogger Unknown, at March 18, 2009 at 6:51 AM  

Reading this post, one would never know that someone very special had recapped that episode of "SVU" for you.

By Blogger Unknown, at March 18, 2009 at 7:30 AM  

I don't even know you, yet, that's STILL the best picture ever!

By Blogger Deanna, at March 18, 2009 at 8:38 AM  

Tara! I included your BRILLIANT recap of the episode in my first draft, but I hesitated to include it because now everyone will want to read it, and I didn't know if you wanted to share it with the world. But I shall rectify the situation post-haste.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 18, 2009 at 8:52 AM  

I am picturing Miss Alli, Tara, and Trash on the counch, quietly watching L&O Sex Police (I love the new name!) I bet the comments are brilliant. It would be a live recap.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 18, 2009 at 9:16 AM  

Trash needs her tongue pierced.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 18, 2009 at 11:08 AM  

Post a Comment

Listed on BlogShares www.blogwise.com
buy my books!
professional representation
Follow me on Twitter
other stuff i