M. Giant's
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Tuesday, May 13, 2008  

Out of Sight

Today during lunch I brought my glasses and my new prescription into the local wholesaler and asked if they could replace my scratched, outdated lenses with new ones. The lady behind the counter said they could, but they'd have to send them in somewhere and they wouldn't be back for at least two weeks. So I said, "*All righty," and handed them over. Sure, I don't have a backup pair, but how had could it be to go without for a while? After all, I never wore glasses at all before I was three.

While I was at the store, I figured I might as well pick up some batteries. So I headed over to a black-and-copper blur to pick up a brick of double A's. It yelped and popped me upside the head. Probably shouldn't have worn that sweatshirt in the first place, lady.

When I finally found the batteries, or at least a package of vitamin supplements that felt a lot like batteries, I got in line to check out. But instead of taking my credit card, the lady at the front of the line handed me a paper cup full of granola. Which, along with the glowing white clothes she was wearing, made me wonder if she was some kind of cultist.

Someone directed me to the checkout lines, and I waited patiently, pressing my watch to my nose every five minutes or so in an effort to get someone to notice my impatience. Finally I spoke up to the dumpy individual in line in front of me: "Can you believe how slow this line is?" When he or she didn't respond, I tapped him or her on the shoulder and realized I was touching cardboard. I had been waiting in line behind a stack of discarded boxes blocking a closed lane. And I bet it didn't even have its credit card ready, either.

I decided not to go to the bathroom. There's such a thing as pushing your luck.

On the way out to the parking lot, I was tackled to the ground. Oops, forgot about the person at the exit who checks everyone's receipt with a highlighter. I had been wondering what that pink slash floating in the air had been.

I've already told you how much I hate this store's parking lot, but today it was even worse. The wind was as harsh as ever, and it made it difficult for me to get a fix on my car's location. Every time I pressed the panic button on my key fob, the sound of my car alarm would either get distorted by the wind or drowned out entirely. And that was when I was in range, which was only about a quarter of the time.

I was also lucky in that my office is a straight shot down the road from the store. All I had to do was drive slowly, keep one foot on the curb, and dismiss the honks of the ignorant Anglophobes who objected to the side of the street I was driving on. Parking was a little tricky -- I decided to park in the empty area at the top of the ramp so I wouldn't accidentally bump into someone's door getting out of the car. The parked vehicles I'd already blundered into while trying to drive past them were quite enough, I thought.

Once inside the building, I finally got to test my theory that I can make it from the front door to my desk with my eyes closed. And I can. But that touchy prick with the personal space issues who's sitting in my chair is going to have to go.

After feeling my way to an empty corner cubicle (or maybe it's an office, or the mailroom) I figured I could borrow for a few hours, I sat down and wrote this entry by feed. By expanding the text size to 500 parent, I was able to zero in on the red squiggly lines that abdicate a typo and illuminate all of them. Thank Golf for spell check.

I’m not sure how I'm going to drive home, to be honest. I can almost read my cell phone screen if I hold it right in front of my face, so maybe I can figure out something using its GPS function on my cell phone. I really hope it has one.

* Everything after this point in the entry is false.

posted by M. Giant 11:53 AM 5 comments


Oh my god. This is totally what would happen if I left my house without corrective lenses. Lying in bed, I can't read the big red numbers on the alarm clock with my glasses off. And the really sad thing is that I am far from the blindest person in my family.

Isn't it weird how it's generally faster and cheaper to get a whole new pair of glasses than to replace the lenses in the frames you already have?

By Blogger kmckee7, at May 14, 2008 at 3:29 PM  

2 weeks? Really? WOW.

Thank Golf you decided to keep your classes and opted out of such an exciting afternoon.

By Blogger Elda - Peace in the Storm, at May 15, 2008 at 10:59 AM  

er... glasses.

By Blogger Elda - Peace in the Storm, at May 15, 2008 at 10:59 AM  

This entry made me lol several times. Thanks, dude!

By Blogger Nat, at May 16, 2008 at 11:16 AM  

You must have the same stupid insurance I do, where they have to send them out to the insurance company's lab to make the lenses, hence the two-week wait (which turned out to actually be less than a week for me last month). Always good to have the back-up glasses for when they want to take your frames away. An old pair or a cheap pair of "one hour" lenses and cheap fraimes to get you through waiting for the quality stuff.

Thanks for the LOL!

By Blogger Bunny, at May 17, 2008 at 7:09 PM  

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