M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Monday, March 03, 2008  

Scenes from a Marriage

"Whoa, did you fart while I was in the other room?"

"No."

"Because it didn't smell like this before."

"Maybe there's something in the trash."

"Why would you fart in the trash?"

* * *

[Misreading news headline on Yahoo!'s homepage over spouse's shoulder] "Why did Angola plot to kill Mick Jagger?"

"It says Angels. As in Hell's Angels. That would have been awesome, though."

"Angola says, 'This will totally put us on the map!'"

"Would that be the Asian map, or the South American map?"

"Who cares? Either way it's a step up."

"Of course Angola abandoned the plan after The Knights of Prosperity got cancelled."

"But look out, Paul McCartney!"

* * *

"Who is this Tequilaberry chick, anyway?"

"You mean Tila Tequila?"

"Whatever. Sounds like dingleberry."

"And what's a tequilaberry?"

"I don't know. Isn't there such a thing as a tequilaberry?"

"I don't know either, but if you don't know the difference between a dingleberry and a tequilaberry, I'm never letting you make me a margarita."

"Oh, come on? Who wouldn't love a dingleberry margarita? With kitty litter around the edge of the glass?"

"I think you just made us rich."

posted by M. Giant 7:44 PM 9 comments

9 Comments:

That would be the Africa map.

"Who wouldn't love a dingleberry margarita? With kitty litter around the edge of the glass?"

If you were aiming for tea to come out my nose, well done.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 4, 2008 at 7:19 AM  

I found you through the Damn Hell Ass Kings feed, and you just made me spit coffee. This is why I want to marry a writer, to have witty banter like yours.

Angola would have totally done that, too. It's a good idea for any country, really. You may have started something..

By Blogger Maria, at March 4, 2008 at 8:35 AM  

But...... which of you said what, exactly? I think faithful readers are dying to know whether it was you or Trash who came up with the dingleberry margarita!

I'm just glad I wasn't drinking anything while I read this entry, as it spared me the fate of the commenters above. I did wind up laughing myself into one heckuva coughing fit though!

By Blogger Heather, at March 4, 2008 at 10:47 AM  

I don't know who said what, but I do remember reading that Trash tends to screw up names. That might be a hint.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 4, 2008 at 11:37 AM  

Okay, you didn't make milk come through MY nose.

... It was a noodle, and I'm never reading your journal again. At least, not until tomorrow.

By Anonymous Sara, at March 4, 2008 at 3:32 PM  

I didn't expectorate, regurgitate, or aspirate anything, but that's just because I'm used to it.

Just wait until you write something narrative, contemporary, and awesome, and people whine that the dialogue is "unrealistic" and "too clever." Then those of us who know you, and sometimes talk like this, will just laugh and laugh and laugh.

By Blogger Febrifuge, at March 4, 2008 at 7:17 PM  

Is it a MN thing? Because I dearly miss having hysterically funny conversations like these - and they always happened in MN. Does the cold just make some brains work harder and therefore have more fun with words?

- JeniMull

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 6, 2008 at 12:36 AM  

"Why would you fart in the trash?"

Um, why wouldn't I fart in the trash?

By Anonymous cjschuette, at March 6, 2008 at 2:45 PM  

Oh no - I just came over here from Tomato Nation. Now I will surely waste all of my time reading your archives.
The dingleberry margarita almost made that last sip of coffee end up all over my monitor.

By Blogger Kris the Girl, at March 7, 2008 at 6:37 AM  

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