M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Monday, February 11, 2008  

Starstruck

When I was at the grocery store yesterday, my cashier-of-a-certain-age discreetly pointed out a local celebrity to me.

"That's Paul Magers," she said.

Now, people in both the Twin Cities and Los Angeles viewing areas know that Paul Magers hasn't been on the air here for several years. But she quickly rallied.

"Wait, not Paul Magers, the guy who does the weather," she corrected herself.

"Paul Douglas?" I asked.

"Yes!" she whispered excitedly.

Using the discreet don't-look-now turn I've honed over the years during several trips to New York, L.A., and backstage at a certain radio show, I scanned the lines for someone who looked like this guy:

Paul Douglas

But I didn't see him. I figured he was too far away, and the cashier's eyes were just sharper than mine. But she quietly insisted that he was only two lanes down, and was the only one on his cell phone. I had already seen the guy she was referring to, and he looked more like this:

Jan-Michael Vincent

"Wow, there he is," I said agreeably.

But because this wasn't enough excitement, she also had to inform me that among their regular customers was another news personality, specifically, "that Oriental girl." I could have provided her the name the person I suspected she was talking about, an ethnically ambiguous local anchor with an Italian surname, but I really wanted to get out of there before she could see in my eyes that I've been inside Al Franken's house.

Maybe this is something that happens to supermarket cashiers after a certain number of years. Constantly surrounded by photographs of actual celebrities for their entire shifts, they start seeing imaginary ones everywhere they look.

This woman really needs to move to Los Angeles, where she will literally see celebrities every day, whether they're there or not. For instance, on my last visit there with Trash, we were just driving in from LAX when I realized that the driver of the car in the next lane over was Larry David. I thought it a little odd that he would be driving an 84 Honda Civic up La Cienega that early on a Saturday morning, but there was no mistaking that hairline from the back. If my cashier relocated to Hollywood, she would have experiences like mine from the moment she woke up until she finally passed out at the end of the day, giddy from starstruck exhaustion on the sidewalk in front of Mann's Chinese Theater.

Who knows, she might even spot Paul Magers.

posted by M. Giant 7:15 PM 3 comments

3 Comments:

So, Jan-Michael Vincent was at your supermarket, eh?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 11, 2008 at 8:25 PM  

Could have been Sven Sundgaard, though, based on your sample picture. Did his ears stick out?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 12, 2008 at 8:48 AM  

I'd only be excited to see Paul Douglas while out and about if it was without the hair piece. That might make my year, so great is my disdain of toupees.

By Blogger Emily, at February 12, 2008 at 1:13 PM  

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