M. Giant's
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Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Sunday, February 24, 2008  

Not Cool

Loyal (and erratic but lucky) readers of this blog already know about Squirrel Goodnut, the gargantuan, food-stealing squirrel who lives in our neighborhood and whom M. Small has semi-adopted. We haven't seen him for a while. I thought it was because ever since I got back from Florida, it's been too cold to even look outside, let alone go there.

But today, when it briefly went above freezing long enough for me to take down one of our Christmas decorations and stick it in the garage, I discovered the real reason he's been incommunicado: he's been working on a project. Check this out:



Yes, in case you're reading this in text-only mode or are simply a person who can't believe what you're looking at: that's an Igloo cooler with a hole gnawed through it.

I didn't think anything edible was in there, but clearly Squirrel Goodnut could tell otherwise (outsmarted again!). That was one of the coolers Trash used when she and Blaine made their cookies this past Christmas. No, we didn't lose any two-month-old gingersnaps, but a couple of forgotten bricks of Philadelphia Cream Cheese would have been better off staying forgotten.

They were still there, though, merely nibbled a bit around the corners. Which made me realize: Squirrel Goodnut never got in there. Those were mere mouse-bites. As big as that hole is, it's not big enough to accommodate our giant squirrel.

Which means tonight, Squirrel Goodnut sneaked into our garage tonight to get back to his long-term project, thinking tonight might be the night he finally got his fat ass through there to the prize, and found it gone. I'd feel bad for him, but fortunately today Trash found a bag of raisins so old they're almost grapes again. M. Small and I scattered those around and filled up the "bird feeder" with them. So if he can't spend another evening shredding injection-molded plastic shaving by painful shaving, there's a possibility he might be able to get roaring drunk.

And if he gets behind the wheel of a little car that and ends up wrapped around a laundry-line pole, I just hope it isn't one of ours.

posted by M. Giant 8:31 PM 6 comments

6 Comments:

Erm... uh.... I hate to tell you this, but that's not the work of a squirrel or a mouse. Trust me. It's a rat. I'm speaking from experience here. Mice can chew through cardboard, but it takes a rat to chew through hard plastic like that. Oooooof...

By Blogger Carol Blymire, at February 25, 2008 at 6:22 AM  

Carol, I've seen squirrels do that sort of thing to garbage cans though. My parents bought those really thick rubbermaid cans when I was a kid, and the squirrels were through them in a week. It's possible that it is a squirrel or a rat.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 25, 2008 at 8:02 AM  

We used to have one of those bird feeders that had a weighted metal panel that would cover the holes to deter squirrels. Over time, the squirrels chewed through the metal, exposing the holes. Those tenacious bastards are tough.

By Anonymous Betsy, at February 25, 2008 at 8:48 AM  

I should have taken a picture of the remaining cream cheese, which was barely touched. A rat would have gotten in there and cleaned it out. Unless it's a rat that's as big as Squirrel Goodnut, in which case, does aybody want to buy a house?

By Blogger M. Giant, at February 25, 2008 at 12:41 PM  

You're right -- a rat probably would've downed that cream cheese whereas squirrels? Probably more fussy in the cuisine department. Living in DC, our rats are as big as squirrels, if not bigger... and that cooler sure looked like rat chew to me. Squirrels around here stick to bird feeders and garbage cans, but rats devour the coolers and vinyl siding. It's so gross.

By Blogger Carol Blymire, at February 25, 2008 at 4:11 PM  

I sympathize with your squirrel problems. I lived in an old house in college and the major problem I had with that house was that a squirrel had taken up residence IN THE WALLS. He used to wake me up at 5am with his scratching. For the longest time I thought it was that the upstairs neighbors had a dog with long claws.

That was until I came back from Thanksgiving break and found my entire apartment trashed. The squirrel had finally made his way out of the wall and into my open closet. He found an entire bar of white chocolate I'd left out, devoured the entire thing, and then went on a sugar-high induced rampage. He fell in the toilet and then tracked squirrel dirt/toilet water mud EVERYWHERE! It was a horror to clean up, but then I didn't have to pay 2 months of rent. Squirrels are a terror!

By Blogger Krank Mills, at February 27, 2008 at 10:55 AM  

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