M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Thursday, February 14, 2008  

Loveline

For as long as I can remember, our local paper has done a thing called "Lovelines" every Valentines Day. It's a special section of classified ads where readers who are in new relationships get to send in romantic messages to their new partners and have them run in the paper. You can even have them include simple graphics and the color red for a little extra. What it amounts to is a cheap way to rake in some revenue in a time of leanness brought about in part by online alternatives to dead-tree editions. Which is weird, because I can't seem to find this year's Lovelines on the paper's website. In fact, for all I know, they've discontinued it entirely. It's not like I'm about to go pick up a dead-tree edition just to find out.

I know I just referred to people in new relationships. It's open to people in longer-term relationships too, but it's not like we use them. Unless it's like a tradition for them or something. I placed one for Trash way back in the early nineties, and she laughed and told me to save my money from now on.

So what we do instead -- in the years when we remember -- is I go through the ads that other people placed, find one that could be from me, and then claim it as my own. It's not like it's stealing; the person who placed the ad still gets to enjoy it, as does their partner, and they're totally oblivious to the fact that Trash and I are sharing the joy they paid for. If it's like stealing anything, it's more like stealing wireless Internet access from your next door neighbor (which we also do sometimes, but they gave us their password so that's not really stealing either).

It's harder than you think to find an ad written for another couple that fits yours as well. It was easier years ago, because a lot of people used their initials, and both mine and Trash's are fairly common. But now everyone has e-mail addresses and online aliases, and try as I might, I can't seem to convince Trash that Tripod666 is really me.

So I guess I'm going to just have to bite the bullet and compose one of my own again for Trash. Obviously it's too late to get it into print, so I'll just put it up here. The advantage is that I don't have to pay extra for the colors and graphics, so I can pull out all the stops.

[GIANT RED HEART]

TO Lois [IN RED]

[ROW OF LITTLE CUPIDS]

Our marriage has been the best thing that ever happened to me, along with the kids and our dog Ghost. I bet were the happiest couple in St. Paul, and I look forward to the next 26 Valentine's days w/u!

[LITTLE RED HEART] Happy Valentine's Day [LITTLE RED HEART]

Love,

Jack [IN RED]

[BIG RED HEART]

Yes, I know some of the specifics were off, but you have to respect traditions. Especially the romantic ones.

posted by M. Giant 5:30 PM 4 comments

4 Comments:

Your email link sent me to bible college again! Are you trying to tell us something?!

By Anonymous Lea, at February 14, 2008 at 5:44 PM  

OMG - We totally do that too! (The appropriating of another's ad thing, I mean.) Neither of us has ever actually paid for a real ad, so you've got us there, but years ago we started joking that "Oh yes, I did get a Loveline ad for you this year.... it's *this* one" and now it is a V Day tradition. (We still get the dead-tree version of the paper delivered daily, call us Luddites if you must.)

And I thought we were the only ones...............

By Blogger Heather, at February 14, 2008 at 7:32 PM  

Hey M Giant, can you fix your email link? It goes to some spam Bible college. Thanks!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 14, 2008 at 8:02 PM  

Now I have to go listen to "Lovelines" by the Replacements over and over.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 21, 2008 at 10:30 AM  

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