M. Giant's
Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Fortune's Fool
While looking for a snack in the pantry today, I spotted a couple of fortune cookies that came with the Vietnamese takeout Trash and I had a couple of weeks ago. I snagged them both and headed back to the computer. But while trying to open the first one, I lost control of the wrapper and the fortune cookie flew straight out in front of me, shattering on the study floor.
This seemed a bit like bad juju. I was almost afraid to retrieve the little slip of paper from the wreckage, as though it might now say "Everyone knows you're a fraud" or "You're going to die." What it actually said wasn't a great deal better:
Be content with your lot. One cannot be first in everything.
I had just decided to tape this inspirational little koan to my computer monitor to keep me humble when I decided to open the other, non-crushed fortune cookie instead (take your own advice, first fortune). That fortune cookie actually survived the trip from the wrapper to my mouth intact, and it rewarded my care with it accordingly. Here's what this one said:
Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together as they do in you.
Too late, fortune cookies! You can't suck up to me now. The damage is done.
Oh, who am I kidding? That was just what I needed right then. I sat back happily in my office chair, ignoring the sound of fortune shrapnel crunching under the wheels.
So what I've decided to do is glue both little strips together back to back and carry them around with me in my pocket. For moments when I need a spiritual lift or a reminder to keep it real but don't know which one, I can just pull it out and read whichever side faces me.
First, though, I'm going to sweep up the fortune cookie crumbs. It's only right to clean up the mess I made. And of course I'm going to do it naked, because I'm dead sexy.
Any money received from advertising this month will go to benefit:
BET RED It's ON. The Tomato Nation/Donors Choose Challange is back, and bigger than ever. As always, all ad money in September and October will go directly to the contest.
Hi, I'm M. Giant. I'm here because while there's no shortage of people hurling their least
significant thoughts and feelings up on the Internet, none of those people are me. I'm
here because I've got nothing to say, and by God I'm going to say it.
My goal with this blog is to spend time writing something, anything, rather than just sitting around
slackjawed. I hope to hone my writing skills, build a small but loyal following, then a slightly larger
and more fiercely loyal following, ultimately culminating in the destruction of my enemies and total world
domination.
Feel free to e-mail me if you like, but only if you don't mind that anything you say is likely to end up on the site.
I can't guarantee that I'll be nice about it.
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You could steal from me, but you'd only be hurting yourself. Using
me as your instrument.
