M. Giant's
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Saturday, October 06, 2007  

Through the Door

After the New England trip we'd planned for this week fell through for various reasons, Trash and I abruptly decided to go to Door County, Wisconsin instead. Door County is, I presume, so named because it's the part of the state that swings out into Lake Michigan like a giant door. Either that, or it's named after its discoverer, the famous French voyageur Jean D'oor. We weren't there very long, so we never found out. You'd think we would have asked Weetabix at some point during dinner and drinks with her in nearby Green Bay that evening, but we were having so much fun that it never seemed to come up in between rounds of "Drink, Bitch."

However, we were in "the Door" long enough to discover that, being a peninsula, there's some weird zoning (or lack thereof) going on there. For instance, the majority of businesses seem to be not only locally owned, but also operated out of converted Victorian houses. And many of them advertise their wares and services not only in their front yards, but on the side of the road as well.

Late in our loop around the peninsula yesterday, we passed a house whose sign promised contents that included "Hummel Prints, Collector Plates, Art, Clown Paintings."

Let us skate past the tacit (and correct) acknowledgement that most of those things are not art, and address one of those items, specifically the last one.

"I'm glad it says 'clown paintings,' I remarked to Trash. "I could have sworn that the sign for that place I saw earlier said 'clown painting.'"

"As in, one clown painting?" Trash asked.

"Yes, and whenever someone buys it they have to order a new one. No, it made me wonder if you get to go in and paint your own clown."

"What, like a guy who sits there and you go in and paint him up? You'd pay money to do that?"

"I wouldn't, but I'm sure lots of other people would."

"And then you get to take him home?"

"Well, obviously that would cost extra."

"How would you like to have that be your job? People ask what you do and you have to tell them, 'I'm a Painting Clown.'"

"And then they ask what that is and you have to say, 'I go to work and I sit and let people paint me up. And then when they're done I wash up and let the next person have a go. Can you recommend a good moisturizer, by the way?'"

"And then people are like, 'You went to Clown College for that?'"

"Well, sure. You go in to do some clown painting, you don't want it to be just some schmo."

"Yeah, that would be perverse. You want them to have the proper training."

"How long do you think you would be doing that job before every single customer starts telling you, 'No, I don't want a sad clown'?"

"Not long at all, I'm thinking. Even the people who did want a sad clown to begin with would be like, 'A little less sad, if you please.'"

"I love Door County."

"Me, too."

Except imagine hysterical laughter throughout the above. If you drive long enough, anything becomes funny.

posted by M. Giant 8:40 PM 4 comments


I hope you had a nice time in DC (aside from all the clown painting shopping). My grandparents owned a cherry orchard in Sturgeon Bay (at the base of the pennisula), and I spent childhood summers up there. I think it's one of the most beautiful places I've been. This GA peach certainly appreciates the cross breezes between Green Bay and Lake Michigan. We didn't need air conditioning! I wish WI was closer to GA because I'd take my grandparents' home when it's time, but, que sera sera! To answer your question about how it got it's name: the early French explorers called the little strait between the pennisula and Washington Island "Death's Door" because it was so trecherous. Many Native Americans and settlers were killed trying to navigate the strait. Door Pennisula is named for that passageway. Did you get to take the ferry out to Washington Island? In any case, I truly hope you got your fill of cherrys, brats, cheese curds, and $1 Blatz beer! :-)

By Blogger Tami, at October 7, 2007 at 10:39 AM  

Listen here Miss Tami, we the good people of the District of Columbia don't hold truck with no clown paintin--oh, you meant Door Country DC. Sorry, my bad.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at October 7, 2007 at 4:36 PM  

... and now Glark has to come up with a T-shirt featuring a Scary Ass Clown brandishing a paintbrush and Slavic cheekbones and reads "In Soviet Russia, CLOWN PAINTS YOU"

By Anonymous Anonymous, at October 8, 2007 at 9:47 AM  

i would totally wear that t-shirt.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at October 13, 2007 at 10:22 AM  

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