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Sunday, September 09, 2007  

Head to Toe

My sister, DeBitch the Elder, works at the Minnesota State Fair. Her job is to book the acts at the Grandstand, so she's largely responsible for a lot of people's enjoyment of the fair. And in a sense, she was also responsible for ours, even though we didn't go to the Grandstand this year. She and DeBitch the Younger as well, who was in town for the weekend.

Lemme 'splain. They told us about a game you can play at the Fair called "Head to Toe." It's very easy and it's very simple. Or at least you would think so. All you do is, as you walk around the Fair, you look for people who are wearing an entire outfit that you would wear.

We were there last Saturday, which, given that it was not only a weekend but one of the first really nice-weather days of this year's Fair, was insanely busy. I think I might have heard that two hundred thousand people were there that day, but I may be pulling that out of my ass.

So you'd figure that with two hundred thousand people all together, and with the limited amount of wardrobe options available in this day and age, there must be dozens of people there who are dressed entirely in things you would wear, right? Even if this includes accessories? You'd figure wrong. Let's just say that that 200,000 figure isn't the only thing that got pulled out of someone's ass that day.

Trash became obsessed with this game almost immediately after DeBitch the Younger told her about it. She started scanning every outfit in the huge crowd. Some could be eliminated instantly, but there were any number of women wearing a top that Trash might wear. Or pants or a skirt she might wear (if not necessarily to the Fair specifically, which isn't a requirement). But then those people wearing a perfectly nice outfit would have screwed it up with some horrible pair of shoes, or a goofy side-ponytail, or an impractical bag, or earrings that were all wrong, or a baby that was totally hideous.

I started messing with her a little bit. "There's one," I said, directing her attention to a pair of bright-pink short-shorts that, if not for the camel-toe, would not have existed at all. She didn't appreciate that very much.

So I decided to take it up. How hard could it be? It would have to be even easier for a guy. After all, I was wearing a t-shirt, cargo shorts, sneakers, and white socks. Practically the State Fair uniform for guys, I thought. And I was half right. A lot of guys were wearing t-shirts and cargo shorts. But then they'd also be wearing sandals, sometimes with black socks. And, more frequently than you'd think, it would all be topped off with some idiotic hat. I thought I had a winner near the Modern Living building, but then when I read the front of his t-shirt and saw that it read "I Speak GEEK" I had to admit that I wasn't doing any better than Trash was. "There's mine," I said in frustration at one point, pointing to a bald, goateed, shirtless man covered in jewelry, most of which was in him instead of on him.

She said that she'd seen a guy in a three-piece suit, which she figured I would wear to the proper occasion. But I still wasn't satisfied. I wasn't about to sign off on something with so many opportunities for screw-ups, particularly not without seeing the tie. Also, I think the last time I wore a three-piece suit, it was to a sixth-grade graduation -- mine.

We were almost off the grounds by the time I spotted my winner. The only minor difference was that he was wearing Converse instead of Reeboks, and that's something I would wear if I were less cheap. I bet.

But now that I think of it, I don't think I bothered to check what was on the front of his t-shirt, either. This doesn't count at all, does it? Dammit.

Fine. Just wait until next year.

posted by M. Giant 9:21 PM 5 comments


This game sounds way harder than the "Yes or no game" that my friends and I play.

By Blogger ErinK, at September 10, 2007 at 7:20 AM  

What's horrifying is the thought that someone might be playing this game when they see me, and lose as a result.

By Blogger Febrifuge, at September 11, 2007 at 6:39 AM  

Wow, my friend and I played "Spot the Goth" and the renn fest, but that was about quantity rather than quality.

By Blogger RandomRanter, at September 11, 2007 at 2:36 PM  

We play the inverse version, known as TYB [for That's Your Boyfriend]. Also can be played as TYG. Orientation is not a factor. You win by zinging someone with the most horrifying individual.

But this game sounds harder.

By Blogger Unknown, at September 12, 2007 at 8:58 AM  

My favourite train-ride game is pretty self-explanatory - it's called "Man or Woman".

By Blogger ht, at September 12, 2007 at 7:25 PM  

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