Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
Tuesday, February 13, 2007 Yellow; Belly
Way too early on Saturday morning, I heard M. Small calling/crying from his crib. Since it was well past my turn to go down the hall, I quickly climbed out of bed. And just as quickly fell on the floor on my ass.
I quickly recovered, and I wasn't hurt, and the sound of my bulk crashing into the hardwood didn't seem to bother M. Small at all. But my concern lingered. I hadn't fallen for any particular reason. I hadn't stepped on a toy car or gotten tangle in the blankets, and I couldn't blame my socks for slipping on the floor because I wasn't wearing any. I just thought the floor was at a different angle than it actually was.
For the next couple of mornings I noticed some equilibrium issues. I didn't fall again, either because it wasn't as bad or because I was prepared for it, but I was a little bit worried. You may have heard what happened to a member of M. Small's favorite "band," the Wiggles, a few months ago. Greg, the yellow Wiggle, had had to quit after being diagnosed with a disorder that robbed him of his equilibrium. That's fine for him; he got obscenely rich before being forced to retire, plus now he has a great excuse not to have to act like such an idiot in public all the time.
But what if the same thing is happening to me? How can I continue to make my living as a writer if I'm too dizzy to hold on to a swivel chair?
I was reluctant to tell Trash at first, but I brought it up to her yesterday. "I don't knw if you've noticed," I said, "but I seem to have been having some slight balance problems the past couple of mornings."
She had. Apparently 200-plus pounds of solid klutz hitting the floor hadn't escaped her attention.
The reason I didn't tell her right away is because I knew she'd probably make me go to the doctor. But I'm going tomorrow anyway, because the prescription on my allergy meds is expired and I have to see her so she can renew it and probably tell me I'm obese again. So even if Trash did want me to see the doctor about this, it wouldn't have to be a special trip. But I was still hoping she'd let it drop. She didn't.
"Be sure and mention this at your appointment," she told me.
"Great," I said. "Now she can tell me I'm obese and I have Yellow Wiggle Disease."
"You don't have Yellow Wiggle Disease," she said.
"So you're saying I am obese?"
"I’m not talking to you any more."
"Of course not. Pretty girls don't talk to fat guys. That's fine. I'll go find a Yellow Wiggle Disease support group. They'll talk to me."
"There's no Yellow Wiggle Disease support group."
"Then I'll start one. I may have YWD, but it doesn't have me."
"And yet, I do."
"At least until I'm on the elliptical trainer trying to get less obese and I have a Yellow Wiggle attack and I fall off and kill myself."
"I'll talk to you later."
"I'll always love you!"
Actually, the equilibrium issues have gone away, at least for now. Maybe my YWD is in remission. I'll let you know how tomorrow's appointment goes, provided I don't get dizzy in the elevator, lurch around in it all whale-like, and make it crash. posted by M. Giant 6:20 PM 5 comments
I had equilibrium issues a while back, and it turned out it was just an inner ear infection. It was kind of fun once I had a diagnosis--like being a little drunk all the time.
I had the same problems, and it turned out it was due to my allergy medicines expiring. So... this may work itself out just fine. (And I've learned to never ever ever let my prescriptions run out again. Ever.)
My husband had that problem and it ended up being his allergies...
Ah, yes, the old "I had this really bizarre thing happen and I don't know why, but maybe if I don't say anything, my spouse won't make me go to the doctor."
I have Yellow Wiggles Disease!!! (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome).... IT SUCKS.....