M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Tuesday, October 10, 2006  

Get a Half-Life

Thanks to all of you who have already donated to our Donors Choose challenge. We're at 60% as of now, which means 40% of the kids we're trying to get books for are doomed to a life of illiteracy and crime unless you step up.

* * *

Sometimes I help Trash get to sleep at night by talking to her about stuff she isn't remotely interested in. For example, I played a little Half-Life 2 the other night before going to bed, and I thought I'd let her know how it was going.

"See, me and my guys are getting ready to storm the Citadel where the bad guys are holding the lead scientist of the Resistance. We're making our way up this collapsed highway tunnel, and the bad guys start dropping in all these--"

"Are you about to give me nightmares?*" she asked.

I paused. I had been about to tell her about the swarms of Manhacks that were attacking me. Manhacks are basically flying Skilsaws that swoop right at your face. They're especially effective in close quarters, where they bounce back at you off the walls and have this nasty tendency to make you and your allies shoot each other.

"…Bunnies," I said. "Bunnies and butterflies."

"Really."

"And they're just so cute that we all have to stop and pet them and give them love. It's diabolical, really."

"Why would they do that?"

"To delay our approach to the Citadel, so they can be ready when we get there."

"And that will involve?"

I could have told her about the welcome that the bad guys probably have planned for me and my squad. Most likely platoons of heavily armed, trans-human guards, screaming headcrabs, flaming zombies, landmines, tripwires, chemical/electrical/nuclear/structural booby traps, and giant barnacles with Krazy-Glue tongues that haul you up to the ceiling and then vomit out your ribcage and pelvis a few seconds later.

"A buffet," I explained. "With lots and lots of ice cream."

"Those bastards."

* Trash doesn't normally tell me about her nightmares. Except a few weeks ago, I was emerging from a bad dream about self-replicating killer robots, just in time to realize that Trash was having a night terror of her own.

"Snakes," she said when she'd woken up enough.

"Cylons," I responded. See? Even in my nightmares I'm a dork.

posted by M. Giant 9:37 PM 2 comments

2 Comments:

Wow - my hubby does the exact same thing for me... Sometimes when he's about to tell me about the latest Nintendo Wii news, I ask him to "save it for the bedroom." Ahh the romantic life we lead.

By Anonymous Amanda, at October 12, 2006 at 3:28 PM  

My husband and I do that too! Except *he* talks about comic books.

Husband: "Civil War, Spiderman, Ironman,Wolverine..."

Me: "Wha?Zzzzzz"

By Anonymous mizz_duke, at October 12, 2006 at 4:15 PM  

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