M. Giant's
Velcrometer
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Friday, June 09, 2006  

Spin Cycle

One of the great things about having a blog is that you can ask your readers any old question, and generally they'll know the answer. Or, if they don't, they'll make one up. Especially of one of those readers is me. This can be entertaining as well. I don't care. Either way, I'm at the end of my rope and I need y'all's help. The question is as follows:

Why does my dryer keep ruining my shirts?

It's gotten to the point where I only dare buy shirts with button-down collars. This is because inevitably, my lighter-colored, non-button down shirts end up with these ugly-ass scorch marks on the collar points, making me look like I was leaning way too close to a cup of hot chocolate. It's less noticeable on the darker-colored shirts (which are, by default, becoming the majority of my wardrobe), but it still happens.

And even the button-down shirts aren't safe. A lot of them are getting random scorch marks just wherever. They're kind of pinched and sharp-looking, like a baby dragon blotted its lipstick on the fabric.

So be straight with me. I don't think it's because I'm overloading the machine, because it happens regardless of the size of the load. And if I need to just get a new one, I won't exactly be heartbroken. The thing's coming up on thirteen years old now, takes at least three cycles to dry anything on low, and has a maximum spin time of fifty minutes in any mode other than "shrink." Tell me the truth. I can take it.

Or just make shit up. I can take that too.

posted by M. Giant 7:16 PM 15 comments

15 Comments:

Also, Trash has been asking, begging, and imploring M. Giant to buy a new drier for the last 2 years. But you don't have to take that into account when answering him...

By Anonymous Trash, at June 9, 2006 at 7:40 PM  

It might be that your dryer is scratched up on the inside, and is burning your clothes. You can get enamel repair spray paint at a hardware store, I think.

By Blogger Michelle, at June 9, 2006 at 7:48 PM  

The time has come to wave good-bye to your old dryer and buy a new one, M. Giant.
You may be amazed at how the amount of your electric bill drops when you get your new dryer, because that old one is eating up electricity like you would not believe.
Your old dryer has become unreliable. The major clue to unreliability is the scorch-mark thing.
Listen to Trash. Get a new dryer.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at June 9, 2006 at 8:21 PM  

I'm with Trash - kick it to the curb. After all, you have all of the extra recapping money you didn't expect.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at June 9, 2006 at 8:27 PM  

Buy a new dryer. It's cheaper than having to deal with shirts catching on fire in your dryer, which is the next step after the scorch marks, according to the experiences of a friend of mine. 13 years is old for a dryer these days, and I agree that it will help your electricity bill by more than you expect.

Three cycles to dry something on low? You can get dryers these days with moisture sensors that dry your shirts just until they are dried but not until they are scorched, you know... (grin)

By Anonymous Wendryn, at June 9, 2006 at 8:46 PM  

Drycleaners.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at June 9, 2006 at 8:51 PM  

Yep, time for a new one. I once had one that was doing that, and then to avoid feeling left out the washing machine started leaving grease stains on my white shirts too, but luckily they had come with the apartment so the landlord wound up just replacing them with new appliances (after I threatened to have him replace my entire wardrobe every week, of course...)

And what wendryn said about moisture sensors? Totally the way to go, my dry cycle now takes less time than my wash cycle...

By Blogger BadYogi, at June 9, 2006 at 9:56 PM  

I highly suggest the Whirlpool Duet... We recently bought one and even though it's a little more expensive, it was totally worth it.

By Blogger MGirl, at June 10, 2006 at 10:01 AM  

As the dryer ages, the, uh, barrel part sort of loosens from the, uh, casing (sorry, dude, I don't know the proper dryer terminology) and your clothes get pinched in between the two. In my house we call 'em dryer bites. I imagine a new dryer is the way to go.

By Anonymous elizabell, at June 10, 2006 at 2:20 PM  

Go down to the appliance store (not Conn's, their repair and installation guys are lazy asses who don't do jack) and buy a Maytag. Not even a fancy one, just any Maytag. They last longer. I also have had a good run with my G.E. dryer, but I've only had it for four years, so I don't know yet what kind of life expectancy it has.

Your old dryer, my friend, is now an oversized flower pot for all the good it will do you. Eighty-six it now, before your home catches fire and somebody gets hurt. You seriously do not want to find yourself in need of hospitalizing a cat, or worse, your baby, just because of a stupid dryer that you could have replaced ages ago.

(There, Trash, maybe that will light a fire under his ass.)

By Blogger Sleepless Mama, at June 10, 2006 at 10:39 PM  

Dude. Seriously. A dryer that routinely scorches things is a little like a garbage disposal that hurls compost back out into the kitchen. Stop enabling this horrid machine. It's never going to change. Unless it's the worn-out enamel thing, and the collar points are getting sucked or wedged into little vent holes.

Still. I'm going to go all Dan Savage here and say DTMFA.

By Blogger Febrifuge, at June 12, 2006 at 12:51 AM  

First off, "Febrifuge" is now Anthrofuge's arch-enemy.

Secondly, I make it a point to never agree with Trash, nor let her think she has won - EVER. This being said, you should buy a new dryer and hide it somewhere (maybe the garage or the neighbor's house). Pretend you have fixed the old dryer and go one step further, mention how it was obviously TRASH'S fault it was scorching your shirts. Then continue to run the old dryer completely empty and at the same time, do your drying in the secret spot, and she'll never know. And of course, when she does find out, blame the whole thing on me.

By Anonymous Chao, at June 12, 2006 at 6:56 AM  

OMFG, Chao, it has officially been too long for us to have gone without a face-to-face meeting. Not to mention, I just got done with my year in New England, during which I honed my foosball skills to a surgical point. It is on.

Giant, let's find this made-up-word-band of Chao's a spot on the bill at the Triple Rock or the Turf Club or something; we must have some connection somewhere, right?

By Blogger Febrifuge, at June 12, 2006 at 3:24 PM  

you might want to make sure your vent is not clogged first before you spend money on a new dryer. Although if it scorches your shirts it might already be damaged. My house was built in the seventies had a laundry closet in the middle of the house with a vent going up to the roof that was clogged and far too narrow for our gas dryer. We ended up adding a laundry room (and a sewing room too!!) because it took at least 210 minutes to dry a small load.

By Blogger roisin, at June 25, 2006 at 11:02 PM  

oh and another thing with increased efficiency of the new dryer. decreased drying times and not having to buy new unscorched shirts you will be saving money and a new dryer will pay for itself. My husband is an engineer and i know all the good arguements involve research and reason.

By Blogger roisin, at June 25, 2006 at 11:07 PM  

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