M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Tuesday, April 18, 2006  

Some People's Kids

One day we were changing M. Small, and suddenly he was lying there perfectly still, his arms tight against his sides, just looking up at us blankly. It's hard to describe just how odd that looks when a three-month-old is doing it, but you might get an idea when you keep in mind that at that age, a baby barely has arms, let alone sides. With us as his parents, we knew he'd have to turn out a little weird. But, as Trash said, "I didn't think it would be so soon."

And still he continues to find new ways to entertain us, like the way he opens up his mouth like a happy Muppet for kisses, and how you absolutely cannot get his brand-new toy mop away from him without a screaming fit (we just hope that people who see him with it in public assume that he thinks it's a sword) and how much he loves jumping up and beating on the computer keyboard randomly just like I do.

So of course we're always wondering how his...um...originality will manifest itself next, and in five years, and in eight years, and in high school, and so forth, until he's a weird old man, which I will be bummed to have to miss on account of being dead.

So then this weekend we hear about this other kid. It seems that he'd written a report about his dog that included the sentence, "My dog is special because he pees milk."

I don't know how exactly how graphic the report got, but from what we heard last night, it's accurate. Apparently this dog is given to spontaneous doggy erections and doggy orgasms, leaving puddles of "milk" around the house a couple of times a month. This only started recently, and the dog is too old to be fixed at this point. They brought him to the vet, who simply diagnosed him as the luckiest dog in the whole world. Not helpful.

This isn't the first time the parents have been called into the office, of course. He was about five when his parents were told about the story he'd written called "How My Parents Made Me Be a Boy." It was all about how he wasn't always a boy, was originally a girl, and didn't want to be a boy, but his parents made him a boy, and now he was a boy. All his parents could say in response was, "...uh...it's not true."

We're going to be keeping track of this kid as he gets older, just we can have an idea of what to expect. Even if it's only to expect the unexpected.

posted by M. Giant 9:28 PM 1 comments


I don't have kids yet, but to me, this has got to be one of the best parts of parenthood -watching your kid grow into the little weirdo they were meant to be.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at April 20, 2006 at 9:20 AM  

Post a Comment

Listed on BlogShares www.blogwise.com
buy my books!
professional representation
Follow me on Twitter
other stuff i