M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Saturday, October 01, 2005  

The built-in camera function indicates that I am an early adopter of cutting edge technology, if it's 2002.

The fact that I've never actually used the camera function to send or download any photos indicates that I'm cheap.

The internal phone directory contains numbers for people in four time zones, indicating that I am cosmopolitan and well-traveled, and also that I've spent a whole lot of time on the Internet.

The fact that I know how to dial it using voice commands demonstrates that I'm quite technologically savvy, with the knowledge to make the most of the power at my fingertips. Or that my wife showed me how, one of the two.

The fact that this function apparently also existed on my old phone but I never figured out how to use it shows that this one is much more user-friendly. At least I think that's what it shows.

I have never used the web browser function, or downloaded any applications or custom ringtones, or anything like that. This is not because I don't know how, because I think I could figure it out. No, it's because--wait, we already covered the fact that I'm cheap, haven't we?

I still can't hear a damn thing on it in my office, or in most parts of my house, which shows that I am a sucker.

The fact that I got it from a wireless provider that has a store in the building where I work shows that I value convenience, that I'm a guy on the go whose every minute counts. That I don't have time to go very far out of my way on errands. It might also show that my wireless provider has a store every sixty yards in this town. I haven't actually done the surveying work on that.

And the pureed squash encrusted on the antenna housing shows that I'm a dad. Well, that and the camera-phone picture of my wife and child snuggling that I use for the screen display. But you'd have to open it up to see that. I'm not going to upload it to the blog either. Why? Because I don't know how, and because I'm cheap.

posted by M. Giant 9:57 PM 7 comments

7 Comments:

I have a very old cell phone that doesn't even have a calculator, but I know how it works so I am keeping it.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at October 2, 2005 at 6:52 AM  

I had a very old one, financed by my employer. I had it for years, until it fell apart without dropping. You had to press the screen to see anything. It weighed 25 lbs. and had an antenna of half a meter. When I put it into the pocket of my jacket, it would sag to one side.

Then my girlfriend bought me a new one: lightweight, 200+ easy functions, Web, WAP, woops, games, every ringtone in the world apart from a plain and simple 'ring'...

I had it three months when it was stolen. Why couldn't the thieves steal the old one instead? Why did they have to steal the new one that my girlfriend paid for, instead of the old company cell phone? And why do Doritos bags explode in my face when I try to open them? Is there no justice?

B.

By Anonymous Bart, at October 3, 2005 at 12:03 PM  

The fact that I have a Razr means my boyfriend is a sucker.

People are just as boring on my Razr as they ever were on my Nokia. I needed new friends, not a bleeding-edge phone. Live and learn.

By Blogger TC Byrd, at October 3, 2005 at 1:17 PM  

The fact that I read this whole story, and the comments, shows that I'm bored out of my f74993g mind!

By Blogger Earl Jenkin™, at October 4, 2005 at 2:27 PM  

I have a phone that's about 6 years old. It has no extra features - none. But I've dropped it hundreds of times, left it sitting in a bag out in the rain, and even stepped on it, and it still works. I'm keeping it until they pry it from my fingers.

By Anonymous Tanya, at October 5, 2005 at 6:33 AM  

Or until they tell you that the tech is out-moded and they no longer support your phone, Tanya. . . .

By Blogger TC Byrd, at October 5, 2005 at 1:24 PM  

I sell the damn things and it never ceases to amaze me that a person who has camera, video, bluetooth, etc. on his/her phone would still have to come in weeks later complaining that the phone is broken... only to find out moments later that he/she was pressing the wrong button when trying to turn it on. This instance and SEVERAL others have led me to believe that people should take a competency test before buying a cell phone--or just take my word for it that they will not be able to figure the "cuter" one out quicker than the "cheap" one (which happens to be the best rated phone with our company.

By Blogger Deanna Laine, at October 26, 2005 at 11:59 AM  

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