M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Saturday, May 14, 2005  

What I'm Not Doing

I picked up the lovely and charming Al Lowe at her hotel last week, and I wanted to apologize for the disarray in my car. Even though she’s far too polite to have said anything—even to herself, probably. We ended up having a very nice visit and she got to spend her one free evening in town hanging out at my house and meeting the fam. We were happy to see her. Normally when I meet up with other Damn Hell Ass Kings from out of town, I have to fly somewhere. So this was a nice change.

But that aside, I have another reason not to have to apologize for having a messy ride. Know what it is? I have a baby.

As we all know, having a baby makes it impractical to do certain things you might otherwise want to do, like getting blind, violent drunk at a bar mitzvah or spending an entire weekend at the multiplex or leaving your desk at 11:30 on a Tuesday morning and going to Bangkok (or, if already in Bangkok, to Fort Wayne). But what they don’t tell you is that having a baby gets you out of stuff you don’t want to do, or out of trouble for stuff you failed to do.

Can't stay late tonight, boss. Got a baby.

Oops, forgot to shave this morning. It’s because I have a baby.

Christmas lights still up outside the house? Yeah, I have a baby.

I needed to sleep in this morning. I was up at three o’clock. Why? Because I have a baby. Who hasn’t at all been sleeping through the night since January, nope, not my baby.

Sorry, Sars, but the reason I submitted that 24 recaplet that made no mention of Tony’s return, the biggest event of the episode? It’s because I missed the fifteen seconds he was onscreen. Because I went to help Trash with something that seemed to be making a lot of noise. Why, as a matter of fact, it was the baby.

Haven't mowed the lawn all spring so now the grass in the front yard is as tall as I am? Well, it's been raining every day for most of the past week, and I'm not about to mow wet grass. Also, I have a baby.

Go see that three-hour-long French film? Yeah, I know the art house theater is only eight blocks away. But I have a baby.

Playing my guitar? Well, sure, I still do that, because the baby likes it. He does!

Two hundred unanswered e-mails in my various inboxes? What can I say? I have a baby. I'm trying to teach him to type so he can answer you.

Went for over two weeks without updating for the first time ever? Sorry, everyone. I have a baby.

Of course, using the baby as an excuse for everything means we'd damn well better be keeping him a happy and healthy one. So what do you think?

Today's best search phrase: "Giant girls and their tiny friends." So near and yet...not.

posted by M. Giant 10:02 PM 9 comments


ahhh, that's a great picture. M. Tiny is getting so BIG!

By Anonymous angela, at May 15, 2005 at 10:04 AM  

heh. I like the hat on the valence. Gives that special little something that says "My house isn't clean, and this sack on my chest is why."

By Anonymous Leslie, at May 16, 2005 at 8:45 AM  

heh. I like the hat on the valence. Gives that special little something that says "My house isn't clean, and this sack on my chest is why."

Or it looks like someone tossed it in the air, like in an old movie, and it stuck there. Very Audrey Hepburn.

By Anonymous Kat, at May 16, 2005 at 3:46 PM  

Good god that is cute. If there is anything more adorable ... well, it might just kill me.

By Blogger DeAnn, at May 16, 2005 at 10:56 PM  

You seem to be getting some of my search traffic...

By Anonymous Natalia, at May 17, 2005 at 5:45 AM  

You do get the weirdest searches. You should turn them into a book, complete with comments, like Leno's funny ads. Except yours will actually be funny.

By Anonymous P.G., at May 17, 2005 at 7:13 AM  

And the best thing about the baby excuse - you can use it until they are at least six years old! It just changes from baby to toddler to kindergartner, etc. I always blame the state of my car on my kid! What's a kid for?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at May 19, 2005 at 2:13 PM  

The baby is very cute!! I like this picture very much.

By Blogger maruchan, at July 5, 2005 at 1:31 AM  

Your story is so sweet and make me happy to read it. Thank you so much...

By Anonymous Miss Bangkok Hotels, at October 5, 2009 at 9:19 PM  

Post a Comment

Listed on BlogShares www.blogwise.com
buy my books!
professional representation
Follow me on Twitter
other stuff i