M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Wednesday, March 23, 2005  

Humpblog (3/23/05)

So Trash and I have been putting off doing our taxes this spring, partly because it’s hard to find time to do that when there’s a human in the house who needs one of us to feed him every few hours, but mostly because we were dreading the bottom line. I brought in a bunch of freelance income last year that I’d never paid taxes on, and we figured the day of reckoning would have us in line for a vigorous federal screwing.

But last week Trash gathered up all of our receipts and 1099s and W-2s and we schlepped it all over to the home of her stepbrother, who happens to be an accountant. He plugged the numbers into his magic tax software program (which is to TurboTax what a Boeing 747 is to a kite), and it churned out a rather large number for the final amount. And it was a major screwing.

Except it was on the “owed to us” line rather than the “owed to government” line, which meant that our “screwing” was more along the lines of a “windfall.”

I swear, we’re going to start adopting a kid every year after this from now on.

* * *

How about an early Christmas present?

Keep it Coming books has released an anthology of Christmas stories called Upon the Midnight Clear. As you can probably guess by the fact that I’m telling you about it, the anthology includes a short story by me, called “The Collector.” Buy it here!

That’s of course assuming you’ve already bought and finished your copy of The Sisters’ Tragedy, but even if you haven’t, give this a look. I daresay it’s a little lighter reading.

* * *

Speaking of taxes, M. Tiny has his own reason to dread April 15. You see, there’s a certain procedure that many infant boys undergo very shortly after birth. However, M. Tiny was just too small at the time. He had enough to worry about, what with learning how to breathe and eat reliably on his own, without going through a trauma that was likely to reduce his weight by something along the lines of ten percent (boy’s gifted, is what I’m saying).

But now he's big and strong enough that recovering from the operation shouldn’t be a problem. They just advised us to have it on a Friday, so we could spend the weekend with him in his newly diminished state. And the next available Friday just happens to be tax day. Looks like Uncle Sam won’t be the only one getting his cut.

If you know what I mean.

And I think you do.

* * *

Today's best search phrase: "Krispie Kreme genie Kahn." KAAAAAHN!!

posted by M. Giant 10:07 PM 4 comments

4 Comments:

Congrats on three years blogging, by the way. Make sure you fill us in on how Brenda, Steve, Marsha and Keith are doing.

By Blogger J, at March 24, 2005 at 10:26 AM  

Wait, it's your blog anniversary? Congrats!! As a devoted and addicted reader, I thank you for the constant humor and enjoyment you offer through Velcrometer. Here's to another 3 years of great stories about Trash, M. Tiny, and the Giant household of cats.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 24, 2005 at 11:38 AM  

Congrats for making the three year mark - you've made me laugh so hard my roommate thought I was dying!
As for the trapezoid-head sydnrome, my ex had a flat back to his skull because his mother had him sleep on his back with a rice pillow when he was an infant. Rather odd, but not too noticable unless he shaved his head.

By Blogger Tigerlily, at March 25, 2005 at 1:48 PM  

why are you goiing todo that to that poor little baby ,unless its a religous thing or you want him to look like you why mutilate him?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 28, 2005 at 2:56 PM  

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