M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Thursday, March 17, 2005  

Holiday Humpblog (3/17/05)

I don't know whom I think I'm kidding, thinking I'm going to post more regularly during this, the "non-stop season of 24" (TM Fox). The fact is that it's actually not non-stop. It stops for about 167 hours every week, and even that remaining hour contains several three- to five-minute breaks. And thank God for those, because I actually tried recapping that show in real time once, and you know what? It didn't freaking work.

* * *

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I can't tell you how glad I am that I'm not spending it the way I spent it two years ago. Not least of all because this one is quite a bit colder. And also because, like so many other things I've done in my life, manning a beer tub in a bar on the parade route of the St. Paul St. Patrick's Day parade seemed like fun until I actually did it.

* * *

Of course, if I were in New York this St. Patrick's Day, I'd be at the KGB Bar at 85 East 4th Street for Drunken! Careening! Writers! Tonight's reading features my awesome TWoP boss Sars; my awesome one-time Pub Quiz teammate and current The Amazing Race viewing partner Linda; and the awesome Couch Baron, whom I met once, briefly, about two years ago and who almost certainly doesn't remember me, not that that makes him any less awesome. But I'm not in New York, so if you are, you're going to have to go for me and tell me about it. I’ll even cover the cost of admission for you. Linda will give me a full report when she gets back, of course, but she's all modest and will therefore probably lie.

* * *

So because these days I've got my thumb on the pulse of nothing, I recently heard that Hunter S. Thompson offed himself. People think of Hunter S. Thompson and they think of his glory days in the 60s and 70s, or maybe that Johnny Depp movie that by the end made me want to get off drugs (even though I wasn't on drugs, I wanted to get off them anyway). But they may not have heard of what he was up to during the period between shooting himself and shooting his assistant. Surprisingly, there are things he didn't shoot at all. In 2000, a couple of guys asked if they could stop by Casa Duke in Colorado. And then they did. You should read these stories. They're very illuminating, even if the ultimate payoff never came.

But there's another thing I'd do if I were in New York: pick up some parachute flares at Marine Hardware.

* * *

I don't know why, but in the bathroom at work today, there is a stack of Dixie™ cups and two big jugs of Listerine™. This is an entirely new development. I find it confusing, yet not off-putting; the mouthwash-soaked cups in the trash can freshen up the air in the whole room.

And, by the way, I defy you to walk past what is by all appearances a free community supply of Listerine™ and not give your choppers a swish. I didn't mean to—I didn't even particularly want to—but did I? I did.

In fact, I found myself drinking a lot of water at my desk in order to accelerate my next trip to the biffy. If this is some kind of stealth-marketing scheme on the part of Listerine, it's working.

* * *

Today’s best search phrase: “Check out my leg (s).” Oh, search phrase, you know I don’t like you that way. Why can’t we just be friends?

posted by M. Giant 4:16 PM 7 comments

7 Comments:

Are you sure that the mouthwash was really mouthwash? I'm not sure I would have put it in my mouth, if you know what I mean.

-erin

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 17, 2005 at 8:56 PM  

Dude, one of the few things that would have made last night better is if you and Trash had been there. And Linda was awesome, even though I GUARANTEE she will tell you otherwise.

By Anonymous Couch Baron, at March 18, 2005 at 7:19 AM  

I'm going to guess that someone in your office has some serious stank breath, and as a passive-aggressive way of dealing with it, whoever it is bothering the most put the mouthwash in the bathroom to encourage said Stank Breath to use it. So much more polite than leaving it on his desk.

Just a guess.

By Anonymous Jennaratrix, at March 18, 2005 at 7:56 AM  

Jennaratrix is probably right, although I think I would also avoid trying the mouthwash just sitting out in the bathroom. THat is, unless I was the one with the stank breath.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 18, 2005 at 8:01 AM  

Thanks for the Hunter Thompson story links - those were amusing!

By Blogger Marissa, at March 18, 2005 at 9:22 AM  

Man, I totally wish I had been in New York. I completely would have gone to see that St. Patrick's Day madness (that is, if I couldn't find Rob Corddry dancing on a bar somewhere).

By Blogger DeAnn, at March 18, 2005 at 11:00 AM  

So, do we ever get to see new pictures of M. Tiny? And hear an update? He must be so much bigger now!

-- jenny

By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 21, 2005 at 7:40 AM  

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