M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Monday, February 14, 2005  

That’s My Line

Every Valentine’s Day, our local newspaper has this thing called “Love Lines” It’s basically a gigantic personals section where people in the first few years of their relationships take out ads to each other. Red text and little heart graphics are extra. You probably have something similar in your local paper. If not, move.

When Trash and I were first dating, there were a couple of years when she pointed out the distinct lack of a Love Line from me to her in the Valentine’s Day paper. Then I finally got around to taking out an ad one year, and it cured that craving. I don’t remember what the ad said, but it cured it good.

Most Sunday mornings, Trash, who needs less sleep than I do (of course, bears need less sleep than I do this time of year) reads the paper while I sleep in and M. Tiny sleeps off his breakfast. I don’t know exactly how awake I was when Trash said what she said yesterday, but I’m pretty sure the answer is “not very.”

“Look, honey, it’s the Love Line I put in for you!”

The ad she pointed to was short, simple, and primarily comprised of the words, “I love you, dude.” But it was more than I’d accomplished, and I felt like a bit of a cad. With all the other stuff going on in the past week, I hadn’t had time to write so much as a blog entry, let alone a romantic, crimson-tinted epigram for the dead-tree media.

“Oh, that’s so sweet!” I said. “Thank you!”

I then went on to explain that she should just wait until she got to my ad. But alas, apparently the people at the paper had forgotten to run it! It was a great one, too. It was full of romantic stories and poems. And a full color picture of our entire family. Covering an entire page. And also including money-saving coupons.

“Money-saving coupons?” She gasped in mock amazement.

“Yeah,” I said. “You would have loved it.”

She laughed, and I congratulated myself on goofing my way out of a potentially awkward situation. And then I started wondering where this renewed interest in Love Lines had come from. And then I quite sincerely thanked her for the lovely message.

“That wasn’t me,” she said. “You thought I actually took out a Love Line?”

“Um,” I said.

“You’re such a geek.”

Can’t argue with that.

See, until she said that, I’d forgotten about the tradition we’d kept for a few years following the placement of my ad. We’d both go through the Love Lines and find ads that we could plausibly have placed for each other and then point them out. I’m using the term “plausibly” exceedingly loosely, of course. The correct name or initial or reference to cats in a given ad carried much more weight than the likelihood that either of us would actually ever say what was in the invariably cheesy items in question. Trash’s adopted “I love you, dude” was about the closest we ever came. It’s much better than taking out our own actual ads. We both get to be surprised, and it’s cheaper, too.

Yesterday, after she totally hoodwinked, me without even trying, she found another ad that could have been from me. Actually, from “all of us.” By which it could have meant myself, one of the cats we had as of last Valentines’s Day, and the two we’ve gained since then, as well as the wee little human. Our family’s been through a lot of changes in the past year, losing one member and gaining three, but I’m more in love than ever with her, even more than fifteen years ago when it was just the two of us. And we can still make each other laugh.

I can’t help suspecting that those two facts are connected somehow.

Today’s best search phrase: “Vocab blows answers.” And happy Valentine’s Day to you, too, Vocab and Answers. Knock yourselves out.

posted by M. Giant 7:42 PM 5 comments

5 Comments:

Oh man. We have one of those back home. Last year my stepdad put one in for my mom, and let me tell you, that house was not a happy place. You see, I have made a career of taking hideous pictures of my mother and she'll see them, gripe about it and then forget that I ever took them. I had taken a truly fugly photo of her standing in front of the bear's den at our local zoo the summer before. To make a long story short, one would be confused as to which was the bear in the photo. I left it sitting on the dining room table and my stepdad submitted it. Wow, I actually had to field complaints from the neighbors. Not pretty.
-HelBelle

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 14, 2005 at 8:57 PM  

FINALLY! I was wondering when you would write again. Dude, you should give us warning when you plan to take off for a week.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 15, 2005 at 6:55 AM  

Your last three sentences were absolutely beautiful. Now, THAT is a LoveLine.

- JeniMull

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 15, 2005 at 8:27 AM  

Our local newspaper VD Love Notes yesterday included this one, my favorite: "Well, Podus Ann, here it is. Smiley"

Can any part of that get any better? ~Laura

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 15, 2005 at 8:48 AM  

My husband surprised me with a DQ Ice Cream Cake on Valentine's Day. Thing is, he didn't get to the DQ until late in the day, and there was only one cake left, and it read, "You're Alright." Nothing says I love you on a romantic holiday like "You're Alright." We got a good laugh out of that one. Oh, and a tasty cake, too.

This is the same DQ where a friend ordered a cake for her niece Halle's baptism and told them to write whatever on it dealing with Halle and baptism. So instead of writing "Congratulation Halle" or something, they wrote "Halle: Baptism." Nice.

By Blogger Katy-Maty, at February 17, 2005 at 11:22 AM  

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