M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Wednesday, December 15, 2004  

Humpblog (12/15/04)

All of the winning Sugar Cookie Recipes are posted in the results entry. Go check them out.

* * *

I'm covering the most recent episode of The Amazing Race for TWoP, since Linda has six hours of reality season finales to recap this week. Gosh! I am sooo busy!

* * *

The inter-feline dynamic is still in flux at our house. Turtle, the four-month-old spaz, thinks she's the alpha cat, despite all the thumpings she's regularly getting from both Strat and Phantom. Strat prefers Phantom to Turtle, but not by much. They'll at least lie on the bed together occasionally, although he's careful to stay as far away from her as possible. Phantom has grown somewhat weary of Turtle's constant high spirits and playful attacks on her head. And Strat? She luuuurves him.

She keeps staring at him adoringly, wishing and hoping that someday he'll let her come up and snuggle up against his furry white bulk. So far, though, all he does is glare at her a little less threateningly.

We keep telling her to hang in there. Be patient. It'll happen one day. Meanwhile, Turtle is off somewhere fighting with air or something, so we're not worried about her as long as she can avoid pulling something heavy down on her head.

I'm pretty sure there's a human baby around here somewhere too.

* * *

Yes! I knew it. In fact, want to see some pictures?



"Soon, my son. Soon we will have our revenge upon the Jedi."


M. Tiny immediately after his bath? Or Hugh Hefner after falling through a timewarp?



"Pimpin' ain't easy. Especially from this height. You ever try to smack up a ho from down here? Alls you get is a fistful of stacked heel."

* * *

M. Tiny has only spit up about five times in his entire life, and most of those were when he was still in the hospital. When we feed him, we make sure there's a large spit cloth under his chin, but it's there to catch drool rather than the other thing. He's a great burper, though. He lets out these thunderous, Homer Simpson roars that shake the pictures on the walls.

Last night, before Trash got home, I was feeding him and he was coming up on six fluid ounces in one sitting, which is a near-record. He called for a break and I sat him upright, patting him on the back encouragingly. This time I could actually feel the gas bubble working its way up.

This is going to be a big one, I thought. I made sure the cloth was positioned just under his upper lip, to absorb the few drops of formula that would accompany the belch.

I kept patting. I can't wait to hear this one, I thought.

And then I thought, That's not a--

I realized what was really happening and moved to raise the spitrag a half-second before a gallon of hot baby milk firehosed out of him and all over both of us. Unfortunately, I would have needed an entire second.

It's amazing how your priorities change after you become a dad. And how much you can calmly accomplish while warm spit-up is cooling on your dress pants.

Today's best search phrase: "Giant fuck sticks." Please see my Amazing Race recap after it's up.

posted by M. Giant 8:44 PM 11 comments

11 Comments:

Yay! An M.Giant recap!

Once again, you make me almost spit out my morning Coke breakfast, after another hilarious cat story. Oh, and that M.Tiny? is the cutest thing. But you know that.

Robyn

By Anonymous Anonymous, at December 16, 2004 at 6:42 AM  

M. Tiny is adorable. But then, you don't need random strangers to tell you that. ('Course, I guess it doesn't hurt.)

I can't wait to see how many different ways you manage to say that Jonathan is an asshat.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at December 16, 2004 at 7:01 AM  

My son (2 1/2 months) has reflux so he is a big spitter-upper. And those burp cloths? They are only "suggestions" as to where the spit should go. We have taken to dressing him with a bib at all times so we don't have to keep changing his clothes every time he blows.

By Blogger A, at December 16, 2004 at 8:53 AM  

Your baby is cute as a button, but you know that already.
As for your kitten...well...all I can say is we have two kittens which are just like that. They have been since they were about 8 weeks old (we've had them since they were 5 weeks). Now that they are 8 months old, they still tear around our apartment like mini Tasmanian Devils. No regard for the safety of humans or cats alike. Not to mention anything left on a desk or table top.
But they make us laugh more than they exasperate us, so it's all good.

By Blogger rayvyn2k, at December 16, 2004 at 11:13 AM  

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By Blogger Alex, at December 16, 2004 at 1:39 PM  

You've probably worked this one out now, but dude... don't go for the record. Burp frequently. (And burping the baby doesn't hurt either.) Offer too much nutritional liquid without burping, and if you're lucky you get spit-up (in quantity), and if you're unlucky you get screaming unhappy baby with a stomach-ache.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at December 16, 2004 at 9:15 PM  

I am supposed to be writing a paper for finals. Instead I made some crack cookies. They are aptly named, the crack cookies. I think I'm going to have another one now.
Lawre

By Anonymous Anonymous, at December 17, 2004 at 9:16 AM  

Amusing and adorable pictures (and captions)! And my wife and I laughed hysterically at your Amazing Race racap. Especially the parts about Kris, with all her rage and ennui.

By Blogger sisyphus75, at December 20, 2004 at 6:26 AM  

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By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 21, 2005 at 2:40 AM  

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By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 21, 2005 at 7:03 AM  

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By Anonymous Anonymous, at April 15, 2005 at 7:38 AM  

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