M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Wednesday, November 03, 2004  

Humpblog (11/3/04)

Good God, America, what were you thinking? You want to live in a fundamentalist theocracy? Then why couldn't you move to one and leave my country alone?

I really can't think of anything else to say about the election that I won't be embarrassed about later, so I won't. Probably less likely to get arrested that way, anyhow. Whoops, look what happened there.

I do have one hopeful thing to say, I guess. I just hope that now that Bush has won an actual election with both the electoral and popular vote, with high voter turnout, without having to involve his brother the governor of Florida or the Supreme Court, while seeing Republican gains in both houses of Congress, he'll feel he's got the validation he needs to help him finally get over that pesky low self-confidence problem he's been struggling with the past four years.

* * *

I'm beginning to suspect my cell phone is a piece of shit. Sure, it's got the neato ice-blue backlighting, but it can't get clear reception to save its own life, which is becoming less and less a figure of speech all the time. For a while I thought that the 1950's construction of our house was blocking the reception, but now that I'm out of the house, I can find myself 360 feet above the ground, in a steel building that amounts to a 470-foot antenna, next to a panoramic window that looks out on the entire southern half of Minneapolis and all of Bloomington, but instead I'm looking at the five signal bars on my display and if I move my head more than half a degree in any direction the earpiece abruptly goes silent.

I think it's Ohio's fault.

* * *

They told us M. Tiny's umbilical stump would fall off within seven to twenty-one days of his birth. He's twenty-two days old today.

When the subject came up, I'd make goofy jokes about what we'd do with the stump when it fell off:

"Stick it in the scrapbook."

"Feed it to the cats."

"Drop it in my martini. It’s already got plenty of alcohol in it."

The stump fell off overnight the other day. I don't know where it is. It's just gone.

But for some reason, the cats have been looking at M. Tiny a lot more hungrily ever since.

* * *

Who could blame them? He does look good enough to eat, does he not? Check this out:

Whoops, that's my finger. Sorry. Hang on. I'll try again.

How about that, huh? How cute is that little guy?

Okay, enough teasing.

Maybe you'd rather see a couple from after he was released from the hospital. Here he is in the nursery, in the middle of what looks to be a months-long formula bender:

Brains! Tiny BRAAIINS!!!

Every last thing in the picture besides the human beings and the lamp was given to us by readers, family, and friends. For which we are grateful, if I've neglected to mention that. Seriously, if you sent something and you haven't gotten a thank-you card, let us know, because we are actually caught up.

On thank-you cards, at least. There's other stuff we won't be catching up on for a couple of decades, give or take.

Today's best search phrase: "Low maintenance for long layered haircuts pictures." You want low maintenance? Even hirsute three-week-olds like ours don't have much hair, and not a lot of scalp area to cover. Can't get much easier than that. Although I do ask Trash not to comb it straight forward because it makes him look like Eminem.

posted by M. Giant 7:17 PM 12 comments


M. Tiny is adorable. And all over the facial expressions.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 3, 2004 at 8:01 PM  

adorable that M Tiny is!

By Blogger Elizabeth, at November 3, 2004 at 8:37 PM  

Congrats, M. Giant. On the kid, not the presidential election. I'm sure M. Tiny is adorable, although I can't actually see the pictures right now. (Stupid computer. Stupid internet connection.)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 3, 2004 at 10:13 PM  

OK, I'm not much on newborn babies, but that kid? Is cute.

And, WORD on your election comments.


By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 4, 2004 at 4:16 AM  

Ooooh! He's so cute! As my father in law said, on meeting my 6-week-old son, "nice lookin' baby you two got there". Yay, M. Tiny! Yay, M. Giant and Trash!

Kay, in Portland

By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 4, 2004 at 7:43 AM  

WORD M. Giant! W.O.R.D. i cannot believe that we've (51%of us anyways) have re-elected ....that person....i too worry about ending up in jail as i've never been one to keep my mouth shut concerning politics!

and your cell phone??? yeah...i have to walk 1/4 of a mile behind my house, stand on the hill, hold my cell phone up into the air and yell into it to make a call!! i too am blamin' Ohio!

and M. Tiny...just adorable....you have my congraduations.

By Blogger hippiechick, at November 4, 2004 at 8:42 AM  

Being from Ohio, I resent that Ohio comment. We may be flat and boring, but at least we have a SeaWorld and the Bicycle Museum of America. And we're still trying to claim fame to the Wright Brothers. Don't blame me, I checked for dangling chads.

M. Tiny is adorable. Is that a Cincinnati Bengals hat he's wearing?


By Blogger Katy-Maty, at November 4, 2004 at 11:17 AM  

Yeah Jeff..."fundamentalist theocracy" tells it like it is. We went to sleep on Tuesday in the US of A and woke up on Wednesday in Afghanistan. Uncle Mike in Denver.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 4, 2004 at 9:09 PM  

As a former Ohioan, I have to take exception to the comment that Ohio is flat and boring. Only northern Ohio is flat and boring (I'm lookin' at you, Napoleon and Wauseon). Southern Ohio is hilly and boring.

At this point I'm willing to agree that everything is Ohio's fault, seeing as how a majority of the population there is now willing to give up all their privacy and civil liberties as long as Bush will keep "them homo-sex'ls" from being allowed to marry. Thank God I had enough brains to escape to Minneapolis while I still could.

By Blogger Amanda, at November 5, 2004 at 10:27 AM  

Word. As a graduate of a fine, fine, fine undergraduate institution in northern Ohio, I may say I blame every single one of my former classmates who I know voted for evil. And Napoleon is really is about the flattest place in the universe.

Good looking kid that M. Tiny is!

By Blogger Neurotic Grad Student, at November 5, 2004 at 12:53 PM  

M. Tiny porte un chapeau orange -- c'est mignon, ca! Donde esta el barra? Domo arrigato! As you can see, I am brushing up on my language skills so I can repatriate.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 5, 2004 at 9:35 PM  

Speaking as a native of Ohio, I am very sorry...what else is there to say? I know where I'm from people will vote for any schulb if he/she is likeable enough. And a lot of people like Bush for some reason. There's no accounting for taste.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 7, 2004 at 10:22 AM  

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