M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Wednesday, September 29, 2004  

Humpblog (9/29/04)

I had a chance to substitute-recap Survivor on Television Without Pity this week, since Miss Alli was off throwing down with Amazing Racers face-to-face. The recap’s here.

Not the recap of the Amazing Race encounters, silly. You’re just going to have to wait like the rest of us.

* * *

Back when I was applying for regular jobs, there was one online application that I filled out that had a couple of interesting questions. I won’t say which company it was with, but I will say they make commercials that you’ve seen if you watch television in the United States.

Actual question from the application:

You are interviewing a balding candidate for a job. In the middle of the interview, he excuses himself and returns a few minutes later with an obvious hairpiece. What do you do?

My actual answer:

I continue with the interview as if nothing has changed.

The next actual question from the application:

Describe your most embarrassing moment and how you handled it. Say how you might have handled it differently if given the chance.

My actual answer:

I was at a job interview when I suddenly realized I had forgotten my hairpiece. I tried to continue, but I felt too self-conscious. Finally I excused myself, put on my hairpiece, and returned to the interviewer’s office. He continued as if nothing had changed, but in hindsight, I now realize that I should have left the hairpiece off.

I not only got an interview, I later got a face-to-face meeting with a creative director who has since won an Emmy. Congratulations, dude. And thanks for your time.

* * *

Before I started working at home, I figured I’d be able to get so much more done in a given day. Getting up and going to an office was such a timesuck. There was all this stuff I had to spend time doing all day that I don’t have to any more. Things like matching one’s clothes, packing a lunch, showering, shaving, grooming, getting up out of my chair when I empty my bladder. These minutes devoted to daily vanity add up. But they are unnecessary chores for the home worker.

So I thought I’d accomplish a lot more. But as it turns out, time moves just as fast here at home as it did when I commuted to the office.

But you know where time moves slower? At the grocery store. I don’t know why that is. I go on a weekday morning every couple of weeks and do the shopping now. What used to take Trash and me two hours only takes me about a half hour. And that’s with a fistful of coupons.

I can only assume that some kind of highly localized time distortion is in effect there. That might explain why the aisles are nearly empty of people when I’m there, and why there’s never a wait at the checkout line. Although they don’t fully understand it, people sense that there’s something amok at the supermarket at 8:30 on a Tuesday, and it repels them. But not me. I revel in walking in and coming back out with a full cart, having burned only twenty minutes of my life or so.

Imagine the amount of work I could get done if I spent the whole day there. If I had a laptop and they had WiFi, I could set up a little workstation in the snack aisle and do an entire week’s writing in a day. And I still wouldn’t have to pack a lunch, because hello, snack aisle.

I’d probably have to shower and get dressed, though. Huh. Never mind.

Today’s best search phrase: “You can’t catch a break, can you?” Man, haven’t you been paying attention?

posted by M. Giant 8:39 PM 10 comments

10 Comments:

I dreamed last night that I was reading an article in People magazine, and at the end of the article, they said that they'd met M. Giant, and had a great time up there in wherever it is that you live, and that you had a lovely wife and cat too. They didn't get the names right, except for M. Giant. And in my dream, I was going to go sign your guestbook and tell you about it. Hmmm... am I still sleeping? :) from thatgrrrl.diaryland.com.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 30, 2004 at 3:19 AM  

I swear, I saw the hairpiece thing coming, and yet it still made me laugh my damn head off.

-Linda

By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 30, 2004 at 5:33 AM  

Oh dear. Linda's head has fallen off.

Let's continue as though nothing has changed, okay?

-ZV

By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 30, 2004 at 6:27 AM  

Wait -- you filled that actual answer out on an application? I don't know where you applied, but I work at an agency on the east coast, and I think we would hire you without an interview if you answered that way.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 30, 2004 at 7:51 AM  

To: M.Giant and ZV's junior high teachers
From: ZV
Re: the preceding post vs. your 'advice'

Ha! Told you so!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 30, 2004 at 12:00 PM  

I'll just say, before anyone else does, that there are many who would say my head falling off would mean that very little HAD in fact changed.

HA HA HA, very funny.

*sniff*

-Linda

By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 30, 2004 at 2:42 PM  

Oh my. Laughed out loud, I did. Thanks.

(I dont normally talk like Yoda, I'm not sure what came over me there.)

By Blogger Zoot, at September 30, 2004 at 4:27 PM  

BWAH! I love it. I also knew something was coming, but the execution = priceless.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at October 1, 2004 at 12:56 PM  

grhyuck!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 2, 2005 at 9:05 AM  

dude i love Caitlin Linell! my best friend is Josh Gams!!!!

By Anonymous poopy diaper, at April 27, 2005 at 4:39 PM  

Post a Comment


Listed on BlogShares www.blogwise.com
ads!
buy my books!
professional representation
Follow me on Twitter
donate!
ads
Pictures
notify
links
loot
mobile
other stuff i
wrote
about
archives