M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Saturday, August 28, 2004  

Not Getting People

We got our big fat envelope from the book club the other day. Trash sat at the kitchen table and read to me from it while I made myself a sandwich.

"I don't get people," she said.

"Why do you look at the romance section if it confuses you so much?"

"Listen to this: 'The Earl of Egremont has returned…or has he? It's been 15 long years since Christian Sauvage left England…'"

"Of course his name is Christian Sauvage, to signify his dual nature. Because as everyone knows, the opposite of Christian is Savage."

"'Julianne knew Christian when they were children. He was slender, immaculate, distinctive, only a little taller than average…'"

"…Gay…"

"'As he came closer and looked up to greet her for the first time…'"

"Wait, 'looked up?' I thought he was taller than average."

"I don't know. 'His thin, dark brows raised.'"

"So gay."

"'Their gazes met and Julianne's widened.'"

"Julianne's what?"

"It just said that Julianne's widened."

"If that's what I think it means, the correct word is dilated."

"'A sudden look in his made her think he recognized her…'"

"A sudden look in his what? He has one too? And how does he 'look' with it?"

"I imagine he looks kind of silly."

"Hee."

"Okay, what about this one: 'Bride McTierney has had it—"

"Wait, her name is Bride?"

"Yes, Bride."

"Gee, I wonder how this one ends."

"'Bride McTierney has had it with men—although deep down she'd love her very own knight in shining armor. Just once, why couldn't she meet Mr. Right? Or has she…'"

"These blurb writers are very into that 'Or has she,' construction, aren't they?"

"Yeah. 'From the second he walks through her boutique door—'"

"Oh, of course she owns a boutique."

"'From the instant he walks through her boutique door, Vane Karralakis—"

"'Vane?!'"

"Vane."

"Is that spelled V-A-I-N or V-E-I-N?"

"Ha!"

"'Hello, I'm Vein. Would you like to know why they call me that?' Throb, throb, throb…"

"No, it's V-A-N-E."

"Oh, okay. Carry on."

"'Vane Kattalakis instantly makes Bride's heart pound. More gorgeous than any man she's ever seen, Vane has long. dark hair and mesmerizing eyes—'"

"And an insatiable hunger for cock."

"'But Vane isn't what he seems. He's a Were-Hunter wolf fleeing for his life—'"

"A what?"

"A Were-Hunter wolf."

"What the fuck is a Were-Hunter wolf?"

"I don't know. I don't get people."

"That makes two of us."

Today's best search phrase: "Hurricane landfall vocab." I think the only vocab you really, truly need in the event of hurricane landfall is "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!!"

posted by M. Giant 8:11 PM 10 comments

10 Comments:

Oh my god - that made me laugh so hard there are tears running down my face. Thanks!

By Blogger Rebecca, at August 28, 2004 at 9:09 PM  

I've often thought that the romance writers of the world have recipes for their books (handed down by the Great Mama Oligarchy of Romance...a trifecta of Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts, and Barbara Cartwright): a love scene occurs every 50 pages, the man must have a name that would really incur death on the playground, and the woman is hard-working and virtuous, loves her family, and is either "spunky" or "feisty".

By Blogger annemathilde, at August 29, 2004 at 7:33 AM  

Mister Giant has done it again -- taken a normal daily event and made it hysterical... or HAS he?

Amy

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 29, 2004 at 2:01 PM  

The blurbs are great, but nothing quite beats the romance title one of my friends found: "Oops, we're married!" No need for a blurb on that one.

By Blogger Uli, at August 29, 2004 at 4:03 PM  

Is it sad that I recognized one of the books and actually just finshed it. It's part of a series and I just realized it's sadder that I admit it. It was actually good. And there's the really really sad part. I so suck

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 29, 2004 at 4:51 PM  

Seriously, though, what the fuck is a Were-Hunter wolf? Dammit, now this is gonna haunt me all day ... Or will it?

By Blogger Fraulein N, at August 30, 2004 at 6:35 AM  

That's just it. A were-wolf hunter would make sense, but a were-hunter wolf? What does that even mean?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 30, 2004 at 7:34 AM  

*snort* So bad. So very bad.

I'm assuming that you've read Cate's romance novel post? Or AM I?

By Blogger Carol Elaine, at August 30, 2004 at 11:40 AM  

My laptop monitor thanks you for its luxurious bath of diet cola. ;)

--auteurcakes

By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 16, 2004 at 7:09 PM  

A were hunter wolf..

If u read the series you would know it is composed of were-hunters (weres who hunt other weres because of some ancient history) and this particular were-hunter is a wolf...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at April 30, 2009 at 2:10 AM  

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