M. Giant's
Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Wednesday, August 11, 2004  

Humpblog (8/11/04)

Notice anything different about Velcrometer this week? No, me neither. But if you know how I can fix it so they only appear when you click on them, let me know.

* * *

Speaking of which, when I turned them on I didn't realize these things were retroactive. Which kind of comes in handy when you run into a situation where you've missed an opportunity for a great photo. Some enterprising vandal/photographer is liable to come to your rescue, and that of all of your readers. Check it out:

http://files.alexbowser.com/burgerking.jpg

The great thing about this site is that its readers are so community-minded.

* * *

Our friend Chao (who you may remember from last year's New York Stories (and who now has a new Internet nickname, "Clark McCoy") is something of a player in the Quad Cities music scene. I will now back that statement up.

One day at a local used CD store, Trash and I came upon a CD called Quad Cities Rocks, a compilation of music from a bevy of metal bands in the Quad Cities area. We picked it up, planning to show it to Clark McCoy and ask if he'd ever heard of any of those bands.

"I was in most of those bands," he said when we showed him the cover.

Anyway, his current band has a new CD out and you can get it for $10.00 ($8.00 plus $2.00 shipping and handling, if my math holds up). Want a copy? Send me an e-mail and I'll put you in touch with the man himself. You don't want to miss this chance. Without Clark McCoy and his boys, the Quad Cities would not rock at all. They would just sort of sway gently.

* * *

The other day, Trash made her first pilgrimage to our shiny new IKEA, the only retail store in the metro area that has signs inside the parking lot that direct you to the freeway. She was with Bitter and CorpKitten, who were also getting smacked upside the melon with the big blue-and-gold champagne bottle. I cleaned the most space-taking-up crap out of the back of my station wagon so they could have as much room as possible to schlep home any number of large, flat packages containing entire bedroom sets.

Normally Trash wouldn't go near an IKEA on a Saturday afternoon, because she likes crowds the way the rest of us like cancer. But she figured she'd be safe because it was the weekend of A) some big Jesus thing in St. Paul, B) the Powderhorn Park Festival, whatever that is, and C) the Uptown Art Fair, which closes down an entire neighborhood of Minneapolis. Of the latter, local residents like to say, "It's not art and it's not fair." It's the reason we had to get up at 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday, because CorpKitten has to eat at the Uptown Bar & Grill every time she comes up here, and the only way we were going to get a table was if we dashed in while the local bohos were still sleeping off the previous night's absinthe.

What was I talking about again?

Oh, yeah. We figured that with everything going on elsewhere in town, IKEA would be virtually abandoned. I felt comfortable advancing this theory, because I wasn't going to be among the party putting it to the test.

Anyway, an afternoon at the place with the cheapest, most abundant furniture in the Twin Cities was cut somewhat short by the need to contend with the presence of the cheapest, most abundant people in the Twin Cities. They returned home after a few hours, each with a large bag full of random, insanely useful stuff, but not a stick of furniture among them. Trash was carrying a bag that would have held a hundred bucks worth of merchandise from Target. She'd managed to run up a staggering IKEA tab of about fourteen dollars.

Welcome to the Twin Cities, IKEA. Welcome.

* * *

Okay, I'll stop being so coy about the change I made on the site this week. Over in the "loot" section on the right, there's a link to my Amazon Affiliate program. You buy books and I get myself a little commission. I get a little richer, you get a little more literate. Everybody wins.

Except Clark McCoy, because I don't think you can buy his band's CD through Amazon yet.

* * *

Today's best search phrase: "Rubber template for making toupee." Can't wait to see that rug.


posted by M. Giant 8:16 PM 6 comments

6 Comments:

I think you solved your comments problem. Or maybe I don't see them only because I'm the first one.

Anyway, just when I think you can't make me laugh more you post some stranger than strange Google search where people want to make a rubber toupee. What? Is that about?

By Blogger DeAnn, at August 12, 2004 at 1:46 AM  

["NON-SLIP RUG" JOKE GOES HERE]

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 12, 2004 at 6:13 AM  

I don't know why your comments are showing up but please, for the love of god, people - don't turn this into a total butt kissing fest!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 12, 2004 at 9:28 AM  

I'm new to the whole blogging thing and don't like the way Blogger does comments at all so I just don't use them. The ones by Haloscan suit me much better.

By Blogger CanadaDave, at August 12, 2004 at 1:20 PM  

M. Giant, I thought you always said that you wouldn't do comments because you already do reader mail. What gives?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 12, 2004 at 8:13 PM  

I think SeƱor Gigante just wants to give the people what we want. It makes things more spontaneous; it allows for a new dimension of ha-ha; and maybe it even cuts down a little on the sillier emails.

Trivia next week, y'alls. T-P-D reprezent!
-ZV

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 13, 2004 at 9:48 AM  

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