M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Thursday, July 29, 2004  


Sorry the Humpblog is late this week. I’m on the road and posting using a dial-up connection, and it’s taken me the whole extra day to upload anything. Sue me.

Actually, don’t, because I hate that.

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Do you live in or near New York City? Do me a favor then. Go see the shows mentioned below. While you're at it, do me another favor and pretend you didn't know who these people were until I told you about them.

Oh, yeah, the shows.

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Sars is my boss at Television Without Pity. Over the past year and change, she's explored the meaning of afterlife in a series called "Famous Ghost Monologues" at Tomato Nation. If the word "monologues" in the title makes you think of a stage show, you're not alone because now it is a stage show. This one, to be precise:

Selections From "The Famous Ghost Monologues"
Abingdon Theatre Arts Complex
312 West 36th Street New York, NY
August 5-7, 8 PM
Tickets available through SmartTix or by calling (212) 868-4444.

I'd go, but Trash and I are expecting company that weekend. Also, we live about eleven hundred miles away.

* * *

Wing Chun is one of the other bosses at Television Without Pity, and the first person who ever paid me to write something funny. She wrote a novel at the age of thirteen, which she published a couple of years ago, fully cognizant that The Diary of Anne Frank it ain't. And then somebody else made it into a musical that is part of the New York International Fringe Festival. This one, to be precise:

The Adams Conglomerate High School Drama Club Presents: Tales of the 8th Grade!! Follow the fictional adventures of four teenage girls as they experience friendship, love, death, smoking, sex, pedophilia, kidnapping, basketball... you know, high school stuff. Friday, August 13: 7 PM
Sunday, August 15: 4 PM
Sunday, August 22: 3:30 PM
Wednesday, August 25: 7:45 PM
Saturday, August 28: 12 PM
Tickets available at http://www.fringenyc.org/basic_page.asp

I'd go, but chances are very good that even up to the very last performance, Trash and I will still live about eleven hundred miles away.

Whew, I need to sit down for a second. All this sucking up is starting to give me symptoms of oxygen deprivation.

* * *

Among the random detritus in the very-back of my station wagon is a rather beat-up box of Puffs™.  I was reminded of this fact on the way back from Iowa the other day.

Trash and I had stopped at a rest area, and we closed the windows when we left the car in the parking lot. As we got back on the road, we must have reopened them—including the back ones—just so.

Because Puff™ after Puff™ kept popping straight up into view from behind the back seat.

I noticed it first in the rearview mirror, as these diaphanous items began flitting around inside the car in ever greater numbers. Trash, in the shotgun seat, didn't realize what was happening until one of them fetched up against the back of my head.

“What the hell?” she shouted over the wind.

“I have a box of Puffs™ in the back,” I shouted back.

She looked behind her. The back seat and cargo area looked like that scene towards the end of Ghostbusters.

Trash cracked up laughing, and I closed the rear windows. The Puffs™ settled down, some of them along the highway.

The cool thing is, now I know what to do if I ever get carjacked.

* * *

Hey, check out this item from Asociated Press:

STRATFORD, Conn. -- It was a case of potty rage.

Two men were arrested after a fight broke out over a public toilet.

Andres A. Diaz, 52, was using the bathroom at a Burger King while Joseph Manuel Augusto, 37, waited for his turn Friday night. The two got into an argument when Diaz emerged after what Augusto thought was too much time, police said.

Heated words escalated into a physical fight.

The two men allegedly bumped chests, then chased each other around the restaurant with their weapons - Augusto was armed with a small razor pocket knife and Diaz brandished a Burger King straw dispenser, police said.

No one was injured.

Hmm. Razor knife versus straw dispenser, and yet no one was hurt. You suppose one of these guys was bigger than the other?

They should have ordered some onion rings. I had some tonight, and they give you this sauce with it now that made me so happy I could never use a straw dispenser as a weapon. I'd sooner make sweet love to it.

Fortunately, I got my dinner to go, or the next entry of this blog would be rather interesting indeed.

* * *

Today's best search phrase: To be honest, at this point the thought of sitting and waiting for my referrals to load on this dial-up connection makes me want to kill myself.

posted by M. Giant 6:17 PM 0 comments


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