M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Wednesday, July 07, 2004  

Humpblog (7/07/04)

Giant pandas? Still not pregnant.

What I love about the story is the photo that Yahoo chose to illustrate it with:

Don't beat yourself up, Ling Ling. I'm sure you have many good qualities that will be one day be appreciated by a female giant panda. Somewhere. Probably long after you're dead at this rate, but one must look on the bright side.

* * *

As if I needed another reason not to go to the Mall of America. I've known for years that the place's very parking lots are enough to drive one into a stabbing rage. Now some 59-year-old with a knife proves it.

Really, how bad did the guy really want to park right there? I don't get this. What pisses me off most of all is people who sit in their vehicles and block the aisle because someone's "about to leave." That someone then invariably takes ten minutes to pull out of their Holy Grail of a spot while cars back up behind the smart shopper all the way to the street. But even that’s not a stabbing offense. That's a rear-ending offense. Except that there's always another car between me and the maddeningly patient spot-waiter.

So it usually ends up being a driving-around-the-moron-and- finding-another-perfectly-good- spot-and-parking-in-it- and-making-sure-when- walking-to-the-door-to- go-past-the-the-still-waiting- driver-and-give-him- or-her-a-withering-look offense. You'd be surprised at how satisfying that is. And no knives required.

* * *

And now, a bunch of random-ass links, because I had actually planned to be in bed by now.

Goth Martha Stewart. as if sending her to jail wasn't punishment enough.

At first I thought this was just another online collection of weird roadside landmarks, but that Muffler Man looked kind of familiar. Then I realized that one of his brothers used to preside over a stretch of road that I traversed every day when I lived in Ham Lake with my family. Come to find out he's been sold and moved to Joliet, Illinois. I think back to all the times I passed that giant dude, and the notion that he's not there any more…well, it makes me almost give a shit.

Next time someone tells you to go to Hell, you can ask them, "Which entrance?" Especially if you live in the UK.

Finally, some good old-fashioned time-wasting. You know, except for the old-fashioned part, because this really isn't all that old-fashioned at all. Not that I'm ever on the bleeding edge of this kind of thing anyway. It's an online graffiti generator, is what it is. Knock yourself out.

Thanks to Trash for today's links.

Today's best search phrase: "Dishonest sister-in-law in Indiana." Is the searcher hoping to actually find one or something?

posted by M. Giant 8:56 PM 0 comments


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