Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
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M. Giant's Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks |
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Wednesday, June 30, 2004 Reader Mail Slot, Episode XXVI Trash is joining us for today's entry, for reasons that will soon become abundantly apparent. Earlier this month, I explained how Trash and I went to Los Angeles and she lived the life of a celebrity—albeit a celebrity with a relatively cheap hotel room, no appearances to make or work to do ["Like most celebrities" – Trash], and no idea of who people thought she was. And we received offers of help, like this one from Marissa: So - is there a photo of your wife that you can post so we can try to figure out who she looks like? Maybe in dark sunglasses and a baseball cap - like the movie stars wear to appear as "one of the people?" And bitchface. You forgot bitchface. In any case, you were ready to come to our aid. Or maybe that was just a pretext so you could see how hot my wife is. Either motivation is one I respect. And lo, I posted pictures of her not once, but twice. Trash's sister had a theory. She's known Trash long enough to remember that back in the 1970's, Trash bore more than a passing resemblance to a well-known child star of the time. And the constant deference that Trash received might be explained by the fact that that child star is now the president of the Screen Actors Guild. ["My sister is a bitch." –Trash] Pamie considered that unlikely, however. ["Pamie, on the other hand, is not a bitch." –Trash] Since I didn't ask permission to use Pam's e-mail, and I don't want to put her in the awkward position of having to publicly defend an e-mail that might have been intended to be private, I'll simply link you to this. So. Trash = not the Gilbert. Anyone else? Yes, you in Ohio. Reese Witherspoon? Maybe a little bit? At least, when she is lying on a bed in L.A., doing crosswords. - Jules I didn't see the movie in which Reese Witherspoon lies on a bed in L.A. doing crosswords, but several of you must have, because Reese got the most votes. However, you can see from the picture that that is impossible, for if Reese were to rest that pointy chin of hers on her hand, she would have no fingers left. Trash, clearly, does not have that problem. Angeline gets points for coming up with a comparison that Trash has actually heard before: In that recent picture you posted of your wife, there is a resemblance to Laura San Giacomo of Just Shoot Me fame....but I dunno, would people go really ape over Maya Gallo? ["Maybe if she'd quit before she was in Just Shoot Me. She was cool in The Stand." –Trash] Laura (not Laura San Giacomo – a different Laura) says: In the leaning-against-concrete-pillar photo, she looks like Linda Hamilton. So what's Linda Hamilton doing with that guy from They Might Be Giants? Linda Hamilton got almost as many votes as Reese Witherspoon. Trash tried to stuff the ballots so that Linda Hamilton would win, until I pointed out that this is not an election and the results are not binding in any way. ["I still don't understand why my two dozen votes don't count." –Trash] There were also a some guesses for Sandra Bullock, Mariel Hemingway, Claire Danes and Portia de Rossi (that last one being unlikely, since they were in the same place at the same time), but this one from Marissa (the same Marissa) is undoubtedly the most obscure: I think - and this is probably the only guess like this you'll get - that she looks JUST like Jacques Pepin's daughter Claudine! I see them on the weekend on their cooking show, on public television. Here's a good picture to show you the likeness. Here's another one -- too goofy. Oddly enough, Marissa is absolutely right. That is the only guess like that I got. So the mystery continues. While the pictures I posted may indicate some resemblance to the above mentioned women, I don't think the resemblance in any of those cases is strong enough for people to actually mistake Trash for them. ["Except perhaps Linda Hamilton." –Trash] Unless her "fans" in L.A. were all tourists who think that celebrities somehow look different in person, which Trash can tell you with some degree of authority that they don't. More on that Friday. * * * I'm sorry to bust in on Reader Mail like this, but this is really important. Yes, even more important than Reader Mail. If pressed, I'd say it may even be more important than the second-most important thing I can think of, which is, of course, me. Pamie's having another book drive. San Diego's libraries need books. They need long books, short books, funny books, dull books, books you could lose in your bed, and books that would shatter your femur. And they need them from you. Yes, you. You can spare some coin to buy books for a library in need, can't you? Pamie's even making it easy for you. Just go to this link to find out what to do. But you already know what to do, don't you? You know to buy books. For San Diego. Seriously. Just click here to find out how. If you can't do it today, there's a link over on the right that says "San Diego needs books." It'll be up there until you actually buy some books. You think I'm bluffing? Fine. My wife's a librarian, and you do not want to piss her off. 
* * * Today's best search phrase: "How to make cream the rabbit Chao." You know, if I knew what that meant, I'd probably be kind of worried. posted by M. Giant 6:58 PM 0 comments 0 Comments:
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