M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Saturday, June 26, 2004  

Keepin' It Real

From Reuters:

Rapper DMX was arrested at New York's Kennedy airport after he and a friend tried to steal a car and attempted to pass themselves off as FBI agents, officials said Friday.

DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, 33, and a man police identified as Jackie Hudgins, 41, were charged with attempted robbery, criminal mischief and criminal impersonation because they pretended to be federal agents, airport spokesman Tony Ciavolella said.

"Mr. Simmons and the other man stopped a man in his vehicle inside a parking lot and stated that they were federal agents," Ciavolella said. "They tried to force him out of his car with the intent of taking his car."

The men were arrested by airport police after driving through a toll gate barrier, the spokesman said.
Simmons and Hudgins are being held pending a court appearance Friday night, a spokeswoman for the Queens district attorney's office said.

Simmons hit rapper stardom in 1998 on the Def Jam Records label with "It's Dark and Hell is Hot" album that reached No. 1. Two other albums also became No. 1 hits.

This guy's got three number-one albums and he's out at the airport stealing cars?

I don't think so. The whole point of being rich and famous is having people to go to the airport and steal cars for you. Otherwise why bother? You might as well stay poor and obscure.

Furthermore, what's up with that M.O.? I'm the first to admit that I'm nobody's idea of an expert on street cred, but what kind of thug tries to steal a car by impersonating an authority figure? That's not how you steal a car. Brandishing a weapon and saying, "Bitch, I'ma kill you"? That's bad-ass. Saying, "Sir, I need your vehicle"? Not bad-ass.

The only possible explanation I can imagine is that DMX just got tired of waiting for a rental car. Which I can see. In Honolulu, we waited in line for an hour at the rental office. At LAX, we had to call the rental company to have them send the shuttle to pick us up. If it had occurred to us to simply impersonate federal agents, who's to say we wouldn't have done just that?

But I'm not here to judge DMX. The American Way is that people are innocent until proven guilty. And since the man didn't lead police on a 35-mile-per-hour freeway chase, I'm not seeing proof of guilt.

Today's best search phrase: "Big tit castle." It's good to be the king.

posted by M. Giant 8:25 PM 0 comments


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