Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
Friday, April 30, 2004 Reader Mail Slot, Episode XXIV
I give up on trying to guess what's going to draw the most e-mail in a given month. I know I've given up on this before, but I give up more than ever now. Yesterday I posted a video link of a poor, innocent kitty getting its head snipped clean off and not a word from you people. Y'all are a mystery.
Most of the e-mail I got this month were from people submitting jokes to the joke show, all of which I appreciate, even the ones the boss didn't end up using. But I did get a few notes on other subjects. Poo, for instance. From Stacy:
Admittedly, I'm not in Minnesota, and haven't seen your actual lawn. And most of what we grow isn't grass. But if the texture of the back yard is really similar to "the flight deck of an aircraft carrier", maybe some amendments could help. Compost would be best, but my personal tip is Steer Manure. You can a bag from Home Depot [or the big box of your choice] for 94 cents in my area, and all you need to do is mix it in to the soil before seeding, or sprinkle it on top, after the seedlings break out. It's not fresh manure, but a composted mixture, so it's not gross. It adds a lot of organic matter to lousy soil. Personally, I go through at least a dozen bags a month at my house, and everything is flourishing. Starting from where you are, I might go even heavier than that.
If you ever see me paying money for a bag of crap, it will be the definitive sign that my lawn has become too important to me.
Sarah has an alternate solution:
Dude, one word: Astroturf. It was good enough for the Bradys. Green for the summer, brown for the winter, no mowing/watering/seeding ever again.
Sarah may have something there. Right now, twenty-six days after I seeded, thick patches of bright gren grass are cropping up, with large bare patches spreading out between them. Maybe I can fill in those areas by using a combination of Stacy's and Sarahs' suggestions, i.e., lay down strips of Astroturf that I've wipd with. It's worth a shot.
After I got my ears rinsed out and my hearing fully restored to its previous Technicolor splendor, I got the obligatory "Hey, that happened to me too!" e-mail from Alan:
Here is the obligatory "Hey, that happened to me too!" e-mail.
Didn't I just say that?
I basically had the same experience as you at the physical. Didn't realize that I had been accumulating a whole lot of crap in my ear canals - didn't even realize that my hearing was diminished. When the doctor finished giving me the dual aural enema (that's a search phrase for sure), I was hearing whispered conversations at the nurses' station. The noise from people walking was pounding in my head. I got really disoriented by the echoing that was happening. I walked out into the parking lot to get to my car and heard music blaring from behind me. Except when I turned around, the music was playing in some guy's garage a block away.
I'd like to say that was the end of the problems, but I since I was going to spend the weekend at my girlfriend's, I got to drive from Central NJ to Washington, DC immediately afterwards. In the less-than-quiet Suzuki Samurai canvas-top convertible. In the rain.
One last thing - "they" told me that using Q-tips actually pushes stuff further INTO the ear and not to use them.
Thanks Alan. I'd just like to ask:
WHAT? WHAT ABOUT Q-TIPS? AND WHY'D YOU PUSH GOETHE INTO YOUR REAR??
Seriously, my hearing restoration wasn’t anywhere near as dramatic. That sounds like a superhero origin story, practically. Be sure to read next month's issue of…The Ear!
Today's best search phrase: "The phlebotomist cartoon of the future." Man, whoever eventually comes up with that will never want for saucy young admirers who are phlebotomists.
posted by M. Giant 4:25 PM 0 comments