M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Friday, April 09, 2004  

My Grass Is Ass, Year Three

Okay, what the hell gives? Isn’t grass supposed to be a perennial? So far all it is is a perennial disappointment.

I know what I did wrong the first year I tried reseeding the back yard. I waited until too late in the season, and then I quit watering too soon. Those first “teaser” seedlings popped up, and I declared victory rather prematurely. Just in time for my fragile little babies to get roasted in late June. Fine. Learning experience.

Last year, I seeded much earlier. I watered longer. Most of the grass died again by the end of the summer, but I figured there was still enough left alive that I wouldn’t have to start all over again from zero this spring. I thought there’d be something growing back there this spring. But all that’s there is a desiccated brown thatch that isn’t even attached to the ground.

So I seeded last weekend. It was sunny and the temperature was in the sixties. I raked the new seeds (specially formulated for shady areas) into the ground, which, given the quality of the soil, was not unlike raking them into the flight deck of an aircraft carrier. And now I water twice a day, until I die or the grass does.

(Yeah, right. If my life expectancy was equal to that of the grass that gets planted in my back yard, do you think I’d spend it watering?)

I have to say, though, the motivation for keeping up with this project kind of takes a hit in the face of my record of failure. I’m not the lawn nazi I was two years ago. I skipped the watering on Wednesday evening, because according to the weather forecast it was raining that second. I skipped this morning because I was sleepy. And we’re skipping this weekend because we’ll be out of town. Whereas last year we drove home three hours twice a day just to make sure the ground didn’t dry out.

This time we’re letting things take their course more. And also counting on the seeds getting some moisture from the SNOWFALL that’s expected this weekend. Snowfall. This is the earliest I've seeded, and perhaps there’s such a thing as seeding too early. Or perhaps next January I’ll just drop an unopened bag of seeds down the snowblower discharge chute and hope for the best.

On the plus side, the front yard has come back better than ever. The only bald patches left are the ones right near the curb, where the snowplows deposit a metric shitload of road salt every winter. But I found just the thing for it: salty grass seed. According to the box, it’s grass that flourishes in salty soil, particularly curbside soil. This is Minnesota; why didn’t anyone think of this before? I think it’s a great idea. I even bought an extra box of the stuff for us to sprinkle on our fries.

As for the back yard, I’m not ready to give up just yet. You’ll know when I am, because that’ll be the day I agree to Trash’s proposed plan to have the entire area paved.

At least then grass will grow through the cracks in the concrete.

Today’s best search phrase: “Planning a vacation to Pluto.” Hey, sounds like fun! See if you can find out how they get grass to grow there, would you?

posted by M. Giant 4:37 PM 0 comments


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