M. Giant's
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Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks


Friday, April 02, 2004  

April Fool

Yesterday morning I went up to Trash and I said, "Honey, I did something you won't believe."

"What?" she asked.

"April Fool!" I crowed.

It's the ideal April Fool joke. It requires no planning, and there's no risk of the victim getting pissed off at you. And it's non-specific, so it applies to every situation. Feel free to use it next year.

I remember last April Fool's Day, when I woke up without any idea of what to do for an April Fool's Day entry. I cobbled something together, but I was never really happy with it and I decided I wasn't going to get caught out like that again. So I decided to do something really cool for this year.

I thought about it for months, but the idea didn't really hit me until July. Everyone knows that a humor blogger's dream job is that of professional comedy writer, so why not pretend I'd accomplished that goal?

I started laying the groundwork right away, writing an entry that hinted at big changes in my future. I was deliberately vague because at that point, I was still planning the details. At first I was going to say that I'd gotten a job in TV or the movies and was moving to New York or L. A. But I quickly nixed that idea, because I didn't think I'd be able to pull off that level of deception. Fortunately, even in the post-MST3K era, comedy is being produced right here in the Twin Cities.

So I decided to make the outrageous claim that I'd been hired on at this locally-produced, internationally-broadcast radio show as a staff writer. Which turned out to be a pretty ridiculous move, as I learned shortly thereafter that the guy I've been referring to in these pages as "the boss" hasn't hired a staff writer, like, ever. I feared the whole house of cards would come down in a matter of weeks. But I'd committed myself, so I went ahead. I figured that if I had to drop the fa├žade in September, then that's just how it goes. We'd all have a good laugh together, right? Except maybe for all those people who'd sent me those congratulatory e-mails. They might not take it so well.

After my "hire date," I stopped updating daily. My entries about work, never numerous, dropped off even more. And then I caught a break. My "boss" actually did hire a staff writer. So I had somebody I could pretend to be: this guy. I learned as much about him as I could, and more or less folded his identity into my existing online one.

I must admit, I got more and more nervous as JournalCon approached in late October. Fortunately, I kind of resemble that guy in real life, aside from being considerably taller. But I really wasn't sure if I would be able to fool a hundred-odd journalers into believing he and I are one and the same. Hence the plastic surgery. The scars healed just in time, and I got through the whole weekend without anybody suspecting a thing. By the end of the second day, I was answering to my fake name like it was my real one. I felt kind of guilty about deceiving so many people, especially as I made friends with them under my assumed identity, but they're good people and I think they'll forgive me. Right, y'all? See you in August!

After that, I kept dribbling out just enough work-related entries to maintain suspension of disbelief. I'm particularly proud of the travel-related ones (Is the Erie airport really tight? I was just guessing). I knew I was pulling it off when I got all these e-mails from people commiserating with me about the Cincinatti and Detroit airports, structures I've never seen in my life. I guess airport stress is universal, huh?

And then, after all that effort and planning, it turns out that this year's April Fool's Day falls on a Thursday. I don't update on Thursdays any more. My "new job" schedule doesn't permit it.

How could I be so stupid? I must have forgotten to take the leap day into account or something.

Yesterday I decided I'd try to keep up the pretense for another year and reveal the truth on April 1, 2005 (which is a Friday; I double-checked). But it's just too exhausting to keep this up. You win. The joke's on me, okay? April Fool.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a call center to watch over.

Today's best search phrase: "NKOTB picture of Donnie getting his feet tickled." Because the pictures of him getting his feet tickled on Boomtown just aren't cutting it anymore.

PS: You know I was just messing with you up there, right?

posted by M. Giant 4:26 PM 0 comments

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