M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Friday, February 27, 2004  

Reader Mail, Episode XXII

Apparently I’m entirely lacking in entrepreneurial spirit. I say this not only because I’ve haven’t earned a penny for writing this site in the nearly two years I’ve been doing it, but because I couldn’t spot a marketing opportunity if it walked up and sodomized me. Fortunately, that’s what my readers are for.

No, not sodomizing. The other thing. Here’s Sarah:

There is an easy solution to your vending machine problem. (1) Go to your friendly local Sam's Club. (2) Buy a vending machine and the snacks that you like. (3)Load snacks into vending machine and install it in the break room. (4)Enjoy your snacks.

Not only will you be able to snack when you like on what you like, but you'll also be able to profit off of your co-workers lack of will power! And you don't even have to give me a commission for giving you the idea.

Good, because you’d have to share it with DragonAttack and
, who didn’t even ask me to buy a machine. Oddmoster sez:

What you have in your latest entry is not a hunger problem, but the empty gnawing of Opportunity, my friend! Surely others in your office have felt the same lack occurring! Surely they too have tried to eat the candy dish!

Here's the solution:

Get yourself to a Costco-esque (Sam's Club? Food Warehouse? I've never been to Minnesota) and buy a buttload of candy for relative cheapness. If it were me, I'd need a responsible adult to go with, but YMMV. Also, purchase a padlock. Finally, get a big piece of cardboard and a Sharpie™.

Take candy, padlock, cardboard and Sharpie™ to work. Lock the candy out of immediate reach, and come up with a catchy jingle for your cardboard, touting you as the new office vending machine, only with that all-important human touch. Sell candy to coworkers. Snack on candy. Make bank.

Or if it's the change you need to get rid of for the authentic vending experience, set yourself up with a gumball machine on your desk.


I was actually considering launching some variation of one of these plans, and then our stage manager’s daughter presented me with an order form for Girl Scout Cookies and I signed my house over to her. So any major investments are going to have to wait.

Much like I had to wait for my cookies. That was the longest two weeks of my life.

Then there was this rather flattering question from Mike:

Not to geek out or anything, but does your site support, like, an RSS feed or anything? Lawdy forbid that a body would have to actually go all the way to your site to read it or anything.

An RSS feed? What a coincidence that you should ask, my good man, because I don’t have the first idea what that means.

Nor do I know what an XML feed is. And yet, somehow I think I have one. I think. Try this link and see what happens. Considering that my web-fu is so poor that I normally can’t get italics right the first time, I make no promises.

Finally, there’s a contentious debate that has been fouling our national discourse and pickup windows for years now. Ginny raises a point that I hope will bring an end to it. Seriously.

Like you, I could almost get on board with the idea of Calvin pissing on Clear Channel. Almost. I was a pretty big Calvin and Hobbes fan, so the pissing stickers always irked me, because why did he need to piss on things? His best friend was a tiger. Game over.

Exactly. Exactly.

Game over.

Today’s best search phrase: “A phrase to describe teens today.” I don’t know if you’re going to get an objective answer from the Internet. Could be a conflict of interest there.

posted by M. Giant 5:07 PM 0 comments


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