M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Friday, February 20, 2004  

Origin Story

I got an e-mail from Trash’s old friend and baking partner Blaine today. She had a possible explanation as to why Trash hates shopping for clothes now.

Several years ago, they were shopping together at a store whose name may well have inspired the title of the show Veronica’s Closet. Blaine was on the fence about whether to buy a very special matching set of frillies, and Trash helped her come down on the side of making the purchase.

At the register, Trash mentioned that is wouldn’t be enough just to buy the unmentionables; Blaine would also have to wear them occasionally. Blaine said something like, “Yeah, I’ll be sure to flash you when I wear them.”

They were coworkers at the time, so the chances of this happening were slim to—well, frilly.

Blaine’s sarcastic remark triggered a filthy glare from the cashier, who didn’t say another word to them throughout the rest of the transaction. Trash and Blaine got all the way to the car before they figured out what must have caused offense; the cashier must have mistaken them for lesbians.

This was right about the time Ellen DeGeneres was coming out, so the national conversation at that particular moment was quite focused upon lesbians. Yes, children, there was once a time when a woman had to reveal more about herself than a mere boob to get our attention. Some people must have thought lesbians were everywhere, practicing their lifestyle and ruining perfectly good straight actresses like Anne Heche. The cashier at VS must have been one of them.

Upon coming to this realization, Trash (being Trash) was seized with a powerful urge to march back into the mall and give the cashier a good dressing down. “Yes, I’m a lesbian, and I’m proud of it!” my wife would proclaim. Sadly, there wasn’t room in the day’s itinerary to accomplish this vital mission.

So that may be part of the reason Trash is averse to shopping these days. She just can’t stand rude people.

As for the woman at the cash register, I can only hope that the seven intervening years have given her a chance to learn tolerance and understanding. Because if she’s still waging a one-woman battle to preserve the sanctity of transparent thong underwear, she’s got a long, lonely road ahead of her.

Today’s best search phrase: “Attempted assery to murder.” I thought I’d seen all the episodes of Law & Order: Sex Police but I guess I missed this one.

posted by M. Giant 6:44 PM 0 comments


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