Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
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M. Giant's Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks |
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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 Humpblog (2/18/04) I've been getting way too many packages in the mail the last couple of months, if you know what I mean, and sadly for you, you're about to. Trash got me a really nice watch for Christmas last year. It is shiny and pretty and I am wearing it right now. However, it is not perfect. Why, you ask? Because she ordered it from International Male. Which is fine, in itself. You can't look at and identify it as an International Male product. The drawback is that now we're on the International Male-ing list. Which means we get the International Male Catalog. Or, as I call it, the Biweekly Bulge. International Male. When too much is not enough. * * * Trash gets catalogs full of girl-clothes too, of course, but some of them are nice. Which is handy for her. She hates shopping. She hates trying on clothes. She hates spending money on them. So, really, catalogs are just the thing. And I'm fine with it because mailing back the clothes that turn out to not fit is easier than bringing them back to the store. I drove her to work this morning (we still do that once in a while) and she was paging through her Lerner's catalog, growing more and more excited. She has to wear business professional clothes five days a week, and it must get tiring for her to have to look so nice all the time (I personally think she looks nice in a t-shirt, but her boss doesn't seem to agree). Several items of quality business wear in particular caught her eye, which is unusual, and I think she just got swept away in the excitement of it all. That's the only explanation for what she said next: "I'm going to spend, like, a hundred dollars on clothes today." "A Hundred dollars?!?" I repeated, aghast. How many people do you know who are in a position to mock their spouses for not spending more money on themselves? I know it's weak, but when it comes to opportunities for mocking this chick I have to take what I can get. * * * Normally I leave the memes alone, but this visited states map is tempting. I can't resist; I'm simply too fascinated with myself. Here are the states I've visited. Includes everything from three decades' residency to one-hour airport layovers. Here are the states the show has broadcast from this season. Notice any overlap? Here are the states I've visited more than once. I'm not counting Washington; we flew there, spent some time, drove to Oregon, and drove back to fly home, but I think it still counts as one trip. Here are states I haven't been to. Kind of looks like somebody flicked a bloody hand at the map from somewhere over Nova Scotia. Here are the states I've gotten speeding tickets in. My record doesn't seem so bad when you look at it this way. Here's a map of the states where I've spotted multiple Oscar winners in person and Trash nearly sat on Viggo Mortenson: TypeError 'in ' requires character as left operand (Also, an error occurred while attempting to render the standard error message.)Traceback (innermost last): Module ZPublisher.Publish, line 150, in publish_module Module ZPublisher.Publish, line 114, in publish Module Zope.App.startup, line 199, in zpublisher_exception_hook Module ZPublisher.Publish, line 98, in publish Module ZPublisher.mapply, line 88, in mapply Module ZPublisher.Publish, line 39, in call_object Module Shared.DC.Scripts.Bindings, line 252, in __call__ Module Shared.DC.Scripts.Bindings, line 283, in _bindAndExec Module Products.PythonScripts.PythonScript, line 314, in _exec Module Script (Python), line 30, in index_html - - Line 30 Module Shared.DC.Scripts.Bindings, line 252, in __call__ Module Shared.DC.Scripts.Bindings, line 283, in _bindAndExec Module Products.PythonScripts.PythonScript, line 314, in _exec Module Script (Python), line 13, in mainbody - - Line 13 Module Shared.DC.Scripts.Bindings, line 252, in __call__ Module Shared.DC.Scripts.Bindings, line 283, in _bindAndExec Module Products.PythonScripts.PythonScript, line 314, in _exec Module Script (Python), line 22, in projectbody - - Line 22 TypeError: (see above) Doesn't work for some reason. If I were California, I wouldn't be too happy about that. Create your own visited states map. As if you haven't already. * * * As long as I'm jumping on bandwagons here, I might as well fess up to doing something else that some other web writers have been getting into. The proofs arrived from my publisher yesterday. I'll have more information for you in the next few weeks. Today's best search phrase: "Tissue-trimming work station." That sounds nice. I get tired of always having to trim my tissue at the kitchen table, you know? posted by M. Giant 3:46 PM 0 comments 0 Comments:
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