M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Wednesday, January 07, 2004  

Humpblog (1/7/04)

Hey, my wife's an expert! Sars is doing a series called "Ask the Expert," and Trash is one of them. As I may have mentioned, her job is with a company that helps laid-off employees find new jobs, so she knows all about job hunting, researching companies, cover letters, résumés, when not to bring a gun to the job interview, the whole schmear. Got a question for her? Go here. Her question queue isn't open indefinitely (like many job postings, but now I'm invading her turf), so don't wait around. Her answers will be up in the near future, assuming she gets any questions.

She's also really good at finding stuff for the Humpblog, which I haven't taken much advantage of to date. Time to remedy that situation.

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Like this, for instance. No, wait. That's a bad example.

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Part of the challenge of weblogs, of course, is that when something new and neato comes up, it ends up in a kind of blogospheric feeding frenzy. No worries about that with this Strawberry Pop Tart blowtorch experiment; the link is almost ten years old. In Internet years, that's like pre-Cambrian.

However, it did remind me of the glory and wonder of sparkler bombs. If I had a written list of things I want to do before I die, this would be in the top five.

Check that out! A "Cruel Site of the Day from over five years ago! Humpblog be breakin' all the roolz!

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January on my Demotivators catalog from Despair.com depicts a salmon about to flop into the expectant jaws of a large bear. The caption reads, "The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly."

Which is funny, and true, and happens all the time. Then there's this, which is also funny, and also true, and makes me wonder whether it doesn't happen more often than one might think.

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BRUSSELS (Reuters) - A Belgian furniture shop is offering special packages for divorced men who hate shopping in a country where half of all marriages end in a divorce after five years.

I would hate shopping in a country where all marriages end in divorce after five years too. I imagine everyone would be quite grumpy.

The packages, sold at 2,290 euros ($2,729) a piece, include a living room, a complete bedroom, a dining room and a television set, including a DVD player.

"I always tell them...'you have to put an end to this part of your life and start a new one'," Paul Dierckx, the owner of the shop, who is twice divorced, told Reuters Television.

The shop, he said, sells at least ten kits a week.

Talk about closing the barn door after the horse is gone. What they need to do is market this to married couples. Then the men won't complain about having to go furniture shopping and the marriages will survive. Duh.

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I grew up on Butternut Street, which I thought was kind of embarrassing. I was wrong:

LONDON (Reuters) - A British couple have been forced to move house because of the shame caused by the name of their street -- Butt Hole Road.

Paul and Lisa Allott sold their $250,000 bungalow in Conisbrough, northern England after living there for just 15 months, fed up with the constant leg-pulling.

Taxis and pizza delivery men would fail to turn up, thinking their order was just a prank, and they grew tired with groups of youths posing for photos by the nearby street sign with their buttocks bared.

"I like a laugh, but it was beyond a joke," Allott told the Sun newspaper. Attempts by Reuters to contact the new residents were unsuccessful -- they have taken a confidential telephone number.

Well, of course they did. It would have been asinine not to.

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Today's best search phrase: "Milwaukee child trapped in vending machines." There are worse places to be trapped, I suppose. But listen, parents—if you need a bag of Funyuns™ so desperately that you’re prepared to stuff your child up the dispenser chute, you should be aware that things are liable to turn out badly for at least one of you.

posted by M. Giant 4:24 PM 0 comments


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