M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Wednesday, January 14, 2004  

Humpblog (1/14/03)

Hey, check out Sars's advice column at Tomato Nation this week. Of course, you should check it out every week, but especially this one because my wife Trash is helping write it. She's answering questions about looking for jobs, and they're questions that may apply to a lot of people. Let's get this country back to work! You're welcome, Mr. Greenspan.

* * *

The overhead fluorescent light in the bathroom at work is strobing. While in there, I stared for a moment at my shirt, which has a tight black-and-white herringbone pattern.

After several minutes, I had to admit to myself that I just don't have what it takes to experience a grand mal seizure. Dammit.

* * *

Update on my brother-in-law's Jeep with the loose door.

BIL called a local garage to see how much they would charge him to get his door back in working order. How much could it be to replace a hinge, right?

Six hundred dollars. Man, I remember when you could get a whole car for that. Well, not really. But I've seen old magazine ads.

BIL asked why the price was so steep. The mechanic on the phone explained that it wasn't a simple procedure. Apparently it's quite labor-intensive. They were going to have to take the whole fender and front end off.
BIL decided to save several bills by removing the front end himself. After an afternoon spent dismantling his Jeep, accompanied by language that coming from Darren McGavin would have earned A Christmas Story an NC-17 rating, he called the garage again to find out how much it would cost him with the front end already out of the way. All of his hard work and frustration had paid off, as the new estimate was four hundred fifty dollars.

By this point, the other hinge had given way, so if BIL wanted to drive anywhere with the door, it was going to have to be in the back. That's how he drove it to his uncle's place, where he finally got it fixed.

Final price? Fifty dollars and a case of beer. As far as I can figure, the only reason for that much of a price disparity is that the mechanics at the garage drink really, really expensive beer.

* * *

Looks like there’s going to be a Project Greenlight 3. I’m all over it. And I’ve learned from my mistakes. Rather than adapting one of my previous works for the screen, I’m starting from scratch. I thought it would be hard to come up with an idea, but I was wrong.

I think it was Monty who said something about how Pirates of the Caribbean was cool because it had zombie pirates, but would be even cooler with zombie robot pirates and possibly a ninja. He may have also mentioned the zombie pirate monkey. Well, my screenplay is going to be the ideal screenplay. I don’t have a plot yet, but it’s going to be about cowboy zombie robot ninja lesbian pirate vampire monkeys. And that? Is an unbeatable concept. I might sweeten it further by having them fight terrorists, but that would just be gravy at this point.

Technically the script is supposed to be shootable with a million-dollar budget, but I figure that’s the director’s problem. After I win and the film gets made, I think I’ll offer Monty an associate producer credit.

* * *

Today’s best search phrase: “Discombobulated and palsied.” You know, if that’s really what you’re looking for, there are plenty of dating websites you can go to without wasting your time here.

posted by M. Giant 5:15 PM 0 comments


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