Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
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M. Giant's Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks |
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Wednesday, December 31, 2003 Reader Mail Slot, Episode XX Okay, my year in review: got a new job. Let's move on. When I started doing the Humpblog on Wednesdays, it never occurred to me that Wednesday might actually coincide with the last day of the month every now and then. So I didn't have a policy in place for such an eventuality. Should have planned ahead. Of course, if I ever planned ahead on anything, a lot of things would be different around here. But I digress. In any case, I've decided that on such days, Reader Mail will take precedence. There are three reasons for this. 1) Reader Mail's been around longer. 2) You, the reader, are more important than any collection of random, undeveloped tidbits I might throw together. 3) Reader Mail entries are easier. It's amazing the things one learns as a web writer. For instance, if you want to get a lot of e-mail, lie and say your cat has diabetes. This is vastly preferable to waiting around for your cat to get diabetes and then writing about it, but I didn't realize that after it was too late. It seems a lot of people have experience with diabetic pets, and were kind enough to share. We appreciated hearing from you and getting your support. Like this message from Rill: The thought of stabbing my kitty twice a day was too much to think about, especially since the thought of needles leaves me rather nauseous at the best of times. The first few injections were hard to do, but soon it became easier, especially since Balthie got to the point of actually looking forward to the damn shot (as he knew he'd be gettin' food at the end of the whole exercise). Strange when you'd pull the insulin out of the fridge and he'd hear it in the next room and come wandering in and up onto the kitchen table on his own in an insulin-driven Pavlovian response. At that point I knew that it wasn't bothering him too much. Good for you and Balthie. Too bad Strat's such a prima donna. He knows perfectly well it doesn't hurt, and yet he writhes around, yowling and clawing and spitting, every time we get him up on the counter. Then the insulin goes in and he screams like he's auditioning for a job in a haunted house, and we release him and he hides behind the sofa for the next eight hours. What a faker. Okay, that doesn't really happen. Especially after the vet told us to quit giving him the injections with a turkey baster up the anus. As for Strat's Pavlovian food response, more on that in a few days. Duncan says, He looks like a cutie, especially in the 2nd picture. I'm sure he'll be fine though with you and Trash looking after him. A diabetic friend of mine tells me they are supposedly pretty close to a cure for it, something to do with injecting people with pancreas cells, which reactivates the diabetic's own pancreas. That'll be cool. It would be nice to have our eight o'clocks back. We've tried to be careful not to neglect Orca in our concern for Strat. At first we thought she was grouchy just because he was suddenly getting so much attention, and that her annoyance was exacerbated by our suddenly giving her so much more attention to keep things even. But now we realize that she just doesn't want to be a pancreas donor. We've told her not to worry—such a day is weeks away at the earliest. These e-mails only represent a fraction of the outpouring of support we received in response to our sick cat. A lot of you have been there. Fortunately, not as many people have rolled their vehicles off an icy road. At least that's how I choose to interpret the more meager response to the near-death experience of a human being. Apparently Dawnie came closer than anyone: Tell your SIL to buy a Bug. You can take it off the shoulder at 80 (on dry, non-snowy, non-icy roads), and it will NOT roll. Even though you're convinced it will. (Yes, I know this from experience.) Although, you'll have to get the undercarriage pretty much taken apart and put back together replacing key elements, and it won't ever be quite the same again (the damn check engine light will develop a mind of it's own and come on sporadically), but it won't roll. Round for a reason, baby, and that reason is Safety. I'm not entirely clear on how roundness precludes rolling, but I confess ignorance in the face of Dawn's experience. Although if her car had rolled, I imagine it would have been pretty easy to tip upright. Simply fill the gas tank. Seriously, though, I'm glad she's OK, and I can imagine how freaked out she must have been. I'm going to make all of my friends read that to make them drive safely this winter. Thanks to Dawnie for telling her friends to drive safely, so they can survive and come back to my site. Stupid SiteMeter doesn't count dead readers. That's what I get for using a free hit counter. Which reminds me, if you find yourself tempted to drive tonight after one too many snorts of hooch, just stop a minute and think about the dent it'll make in my stats if you get t-boned. Try not to be so selfish, people. It's always nice when you can point to a study that proves something you knew all along, but those in the embarrassing position of not owning a think tank generally have to wait for someone else to do the studies for us. So it's even better when one turns up that you don't expect. Like this one, courtesy of Uli: Having read your holiday entry, and the old one in relation to the hot dog maker, I thought you might be interested in this link; hot dog makers were voted the most useless Christmas gift by the Australian Consumer Association magazine, Choice. I was indeed interested. As was my dad on Christmas Day after he opened his new hot dog cooker (decorated with a nautical theme in honor of the boat he and Mom purchased this year) and a printout of the chart was enclosed. I love how it's literally the only item on the list that nobody wants. Vindication! Plus it marks the first time that something sent to me by a reader ended up under my parents' Christmas tree. What I said earlier about Reader Mail being important? I wasn't just blowing smoke up your pantleg there. Today's best search phrase: "Cheat codes for gutterball." How bad a bowler do you have to be if you need to cheat to get a gutterball? posted by M. Giant 12:37 PM 0 comments 0 Comments:
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