M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Wednesday, December 03, 2003  

Humpblog (12/3)

One of my favorite breakfasts in the world is cold pizza from the night before. But room-temperature pizza is even better. When it’s been sitting out on the counter all night and the exposed edges of the Canadian bacon are kind of stiff and crunchy and everything’s all congealed? That’s good times.

No, I’m not being ironic.

I figured the same principle would apply to one of my favorite hot snacks, pizza rolls. These tiny little envelopes of magma are marvelous straight out of the oven, so how great would they be the next morning?

As it turns out, not very. In fact, the term "Snot-Pocket™" comes to mind.

If only I could market that.

* * *

Entertainment Weekly says "shit" now. I’m pretty sure that’s a new thing.

* * *

Trash and I spent part of Thanksgiving weekend doing holiday stuff: putting up the tree, decorations, outdoor and Christmas lights; wrapping presents, writing cards, baking, and so on. We won’t have any free weekends to do this stuff until early January, which would defeat the purpose.

But we did get to just about everything. We did all of our shopping online this year, so everybody we know is getting either a tiny, wireless video camera or something that will help them "smash her walls," whatever that means. I assume it's something to do with carpentry.

Trash even got around to putting up the Christmas Village. You know about Christmas Village, right? Those collections of little ceramic houses that people arrange on a table for the holidays with no regard for real-world zoning regulations, and then put a glass dome over it and cackle madly like giant, evil overlords? Normally that’s our last priority. One year we got them all out, arranged them rather haphazardly on the buffet, and then ran out of time and just threw the fake snow blanket over it to keep the cats away.

This was what came to be known as our "Avalanche Village."

Of course, the main advantage that an Avalanche Village has over a Christmas Village is that you don’t have to take the former down in January. Or February, or March, or even April. An Avalanche Village can be a joy year-round.

No Avalanche Village this year, though. While setting things up (properly), Trash noticed that the porcelain denizens of our town tend to rely heavily on equine modes of transportation. Why she wouldn’t let me add a touch of much-needed verisimilitude with a few mini-chocolate chips sprinkled here and there is beyond me. What a Scrooge.

* * *

Hotmail has changed its look for some reason. I don’t see an improvement. I have to move my mouse further from my favorites list to the inbox tab, so at least my right arm will bulk up quite nicely. But the home screen doesn’t tell me if I have any new e-mails from people who aren’t already on my contact list. Which is where most of my e-mail comes from anyway. I’m not even counting all the links to barnyard pr0n. That stuff doesn’t read itself, you know.

Used to be I could just go to the home screen and it would tell me I had zero new e-mails. Now I have to go all the way to my inbox to find out I have no new e-mails. At this rate, the added clicking is going to cost me a good ten minutes over the course of the next few decades. I assume that Microsoft considers this loss of my time to be offset by the benefit of making me look at more ads.

Trash has been trying to get me to ditch Hotmail for a few weeks anyway, but I’m still resisting. When you’ve had the same e-mail address for over five years, and it’s on the front page of your website, you get so much spam. It makes a person feel so important. I’m not ready to give that up yet.

* * *

Today’s best search phrase: "Squirrel caught in a paper shredder." Well, what did you expect? A job like that, what you need is a squirrel shredder. Duh.

posted by M. Giant 4:59 PM 0 comments


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