M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Monday, December 22, 2003  

Holiday Humpblog

Doing the Humpblog early this week, even though it's only Monday evening. But I've got something else planned for Wednesday, and who knows; maybe the week is half over for some of you, what with the holiday coming up and all.

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I've previously mentioned our Christmas Village, which in previous years has been an Avalanche Village, and which this year is a Blackout Village.

Chao and Disqueen--who came to town the year that Avalanche Village made its debut--came up from the Quad Cities this weekend to do a little shopping, and also so Chao's band could play a gig in Inver Grove Heights. I think this visit was part of the reason Trash went to the trouble of setting up the village at all. She wanted them to see that our Christmas Village could be a functional community, albeit one with no electricity and a majority of citizens who would be too tall to fit through any of the doors. I believe Chao was suitably impressed.

They left Saturday night after Chao's gig. The next morning, Trash noticed something odd about Blackout Village.

It has been overrun by the military.

We don't know when, we don't know how, but somebody has clearly declared martial law in Blackout Village. Apparently the incidence of nocturnal looting and murder has gotten out of hand in the absence of power, and now the streets are swarming with heavily armed troops. There's artillery and everything. And neither Trash nor myself can remember leaving our guests alone long enough for them to have pulled this off as expertly as they did, which means it must have happened in the middle of the night.

So much for Christmas Village. So much for Avalanche Village, and even Blackout Village. Welcome to Christmas Baghdad.

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Speaking of our offbeat holiday traditions, check this out (may require registration). That's us. You can read a longer version here.

Trash sent in the item a couple of weeks ago. Amusingly enough, DragonAttack was the one who notified me about its appearance:

ANYWAY, I was just working, and by "working" I mean, "reading the Star Tribune" and I was looking over the Christmas traditions that people sent in, and I saw one about a family that exchanges an ugly cookie. The same ugly cookie has been exchanged for years.

So I'm all, "Where's the hot dog cooker story?" I love that one! And lo and behold, what do I see but your First Christmas ornament story instead. Ha! The fact that you have at least two hilarious stories of that ilk makes me think that you guys should write a wacky children's book. I would buy it.

Excellent idea. That'll be our project for 2004. Unless we forget, of course. All of our traditions sometimes get in the way of creating anything new.

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People who subscribe to the official e-mail newsletter of the show I work for got to read this last week:

Our writer loves the holidays because he gets to watch his wife bake all of her [25] favorite kinds of cookies in one day. And we love him because he brought us an entire tray heaped high with them all.

Ninety per cent of that tray was gone by the end of the day, by the way. And the remaining ten per cent was still fresh and tasty when it disappeared the following day.

We've still got a few trays in our kitchen; these are the ones that go to people we haven't seen for the holidays yet. I'm not getting nearly enough recognition for my restraint in not mooching from them. Somebody should make some kind of gesture to show their appreciation. A Nobel Peace Prize should cover it.

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Boston Market Grilled BBQ Chicken Sandwich update: Deniece's parents were in town over the weekend, and my brother-in-law, having read my description of this delicacy, had to try one for himself. He was immediately on board the Grilled BBQ Chicken train, and we clinked sandwiches as if they were wineglasses. Alas, there are no Boston Market franchises near their home in Des Moines. After having that sandwich, BIL may be thinking about starting one.

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Today's best search phrase: "How to stalk Kiefer Sutherland." It's really not any harder than stalking Lou Diamond Phillips or Woody Harrelson. That dangerous badass he plays on 24 is only a character, you know. Just apply what you learned while stalking Charlie Sheen and Kevin Bacon, and you'll be fine.

posted by M. Giant 4:49 PM 0 comments


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