Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
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M. Giant's Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks |
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Friday, October 10, 2003 Sour Grapes So, I told you about the last time my pub quiz team took second place. In fact, I think I told you about all the other times my pub quiz team took second place, but this entry draws from the last time. As always, the second prize was a bottle of wine for each team member. Trash and I took home a bottle of red and a bottle of white. We drank one of them a few days later when we had company. The other one kind of stayed in my car. What, your car is pristine all the time? You bring everything into the house as soon as you get home or whatever? You’ve never driven around with week-old newspapers or month-old food containers in the back seat? Liar. I don’t believe you. And even if I do, it’s just going to be that much more upsetting for you when you get t-boned. So anyway. Stuff in the back of my car. And I drive a station wagon, as I may have mentioned in the past, so if people are going to be riding in the back, what typically happens is that I just fling stuff over the back seat and into the cargo area, where it can slide around to its heart’s content. It’s just that at some point I forgot that a bottle of wine was included in this particular load of stuff. Until I heard it rolling around back there and clanking solidly against something structural. And you wouldn’t want me reaching back for it when I’m driving, would you? Maybe I could have gotten it when I wasn’t driving, but it wasn’t clanking then. No, I didn’t break a bottle of wine in my car. What kind of idiot do you think I am? The bottle was intact. When I began to notice an odd odor in my car after it had been baking in the late summer sun all day, I investigated. And got rid of the month-old lunch I’d forgotten to eat. When the odd odor was there the next day, I investigated further. I can’t entirely explain what happened. Maybe the wine came to a boil in the car. Maybe its natural effervescence became uncontainable. Maybe the wine just wanted to escape. Whatever the case, amidst the muddle of papers and books in the cargo area of my car, the bottle was on one side and the cork was on the other. The bottle was bone-dry. And I’d been in inadvertent violation of open-container laws for God knew how long. Of course I was disappointed, having never tasted a drop of the stuff, but obviously its quality was far too high. This never would have happened with a screw-top. I had to throw away several books and most of the papers. And the bottle and the cork, of course. I’m not sure what to do about the upholstery yet; it still smells like a vineyard after a hot day. I did learn a valuable lesson, though. One is that a car is not a good place to store wine. The other is that when you’re dealing with gray upholstery, always choose white. Like I did. Today’s best search phrase: “WWW WHAT HAPEN ON SLIME TIME LIVE TODAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.” Where to start…the stuttering, the shouting, the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some poor schmuck is way too invested in this question. I’m pretty sure I’ve never used the construction !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in this entire blog, and yet there I am at the top of the search list. And from now on, at the top of the list for every search that includes a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! posted by M. Giant 7:48 PM 0 comments 0 Comments:
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