M. Giant's
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks

Tuesday, September 30, 2003  

Reader Mail Slot, Episode XVII

Light blogging this month, which led to a light haul of e-mails. I hope you don’t mind that I’m not even going to bother to make my usual pathetic effort to shoehorn everything into a theme. Aside from this paragraph, I mean.

Erin is looking out for my marriage:

I hope that you don't get too worried that J. Lo and Ben broke up -- I'm sure it isn't a reflection on you and Trash. Unless it's because they read your blog and realize that you and Trash are their perfect mates.

Okay, I wasn’t going to mention this, but since Erin brought it up…

It wasn’t a light e-mail month at all. The Monday after our anniversary, I started getting all these e-mails from someone claiming to be “J Not-a-ho” and asking me to meet up with her, buy her some drinks, and marry her. Meanwhile, Trash’s inbox got clogged up with these desperate, pleading missives from “TheBestJackRyan” in which he begged for her hand. We did our best to ignore them, and then all of these other notes from people like “J-Lawyer” and “NoNotOneOfThoseJudds” and “ReallyGoodWillHunting” and “GlamourousGwynnie” poured in and they were all cc-ing each other and things got pretty ugly for a while there. Then we read about Jen and Ben applying for a gun permit and all the e-mails just abruptly stopped. Not sure what’s up with that.

The influx of e-mails I expected about the Search Phrase contest has yet to materialize, although Wendy at Pound was nice enough to mention it and DragonAttack told me she was intending to play. I’m certainly not hurting for goofy phrases in my referral logs, but nobody’s claiming any of them, which may be the most terrifying thing of all; it can only mean that people actually are curious about Mayonnaise Fetish Trailer Park.

But I know people are playing, thanks to Ryan O’Neal, who was kind enough to take a break from the set of Miss Match to share this:

So, I paged through your archives and found what I thought was a winning collection of search terms:

Car becue Pat Buchanan soulless replicants

How could that lose? There's the idea that you're roasting ol' Pat, but not just on a grill, on your car. Add to that the part about right-wing Republican clone stormtroopers fighting alongside Yoda, and you can't go wrong.

All the terms show up on this page buuuut, Google and AltaVista don't want to give me the page. (And surprisingly enough, there are no results at all; even when you take out car becue there are no results for Pat Buchanan soulless replicants.)

So, dang.

Sorry, dude. I can only offer consolation by way of pointing out that this deficiency may be remedied once the search phrase spider this entry or whatever it is they do. You still won’t win, because that phrase is a dead ball now, but you’ll be able to point at something and say “I had a hand in creating that.” Of course, you can already say that about What’s Up, Doc? so I don’t imagine this’ll be such a thrill for you.

Today’s best search phrase: “Shaving cats for profit.” You know what they say: do what you love and the money will follow.

posted by M. Giant 3:17 PM 0 comments


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