Velcrometer
Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks
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M. Giant's Velcrometer Throwing stuff at the internet to see what sticks |
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Thursday, September 04, 2003 Reader Mail Slot, Episode XVI First, I need to take care of some unfinished business from July’s Reader Mail. As you may recall, Josh wrote: What's with your vocab, man? Are you trying confuse your readers from Indiana? Victoria took exception: I'm from Indiana and, lo, we do have intelligent life among the corn. Josh needs to get bent. As I suggested to Victoria, I got the sense that Josh was from Indiana. His message had that certain self-deprecating tone that suggested that he was in fact making fun of himself. Plus there were all the spelling and grammar errors I had to correct. Uh oh, now I’m in trouble. Don’t e-mail me. Moving right along. As one might expect, the vast majority of e-mails I got in August were in relation to my announcement about my new job. You guys are so cool. I seriously don’t know what I would do without your support. It would be impossible for me to print the names and well-wishes from everyone who sent them, but I’ll try to distill them into some kind of overall theme: Dear M. Giant, Heartiest congratulations on your new job! That’s excellent news. Making a leap like this is not something to be taken lightly, and many people never succeed at it. Please keep that in mind when you inevitably fail. Even the three days that you’ll last in such a high-profile position will look great on your resume. I hope you realize how lucky you are. How incredibly, ridiculously, impossibly lucky. Like, PowerBall lucky. Some people work their whole lives without ever getting an opportunity like this, and I hope their restless souls haunt you to the end of your days. I hate you. Die. Sincerely, Everyone. Okay, nobody really said any of that. Just the first part. Thank you all. Finally, there’s this from Hollienoël: I was reading your entry about the odd behaviour of your squirrels, and I wanted to share a story. I was at some distant relative's house a few weeks ago, and we pointed out a squirrel raiding her birdfeeder. She opens the door and yells menacingly, "Hey, Squirrel! Cut that shit out!!" And the squirrel looks up at us, and CUTS IT OUT! He climbed down and walked away. So, maybe you just need to be a little more forceful in your requests and dealings with Squirrel. On Hollienoel’s advice, that’s exactly what we ended up doing. We sat the squirrel down in the front yard, and we said, “squirrel, we’re having this meeting because we’re care about you. We’re concerned about what you’ve been getting into, and none of us can sit bay and watch you do this to yourself.” Of course, the squirrel ran away the minute we lifted up the inverted cardboard box we’d trapped him under, but I think we gave him something to think about. And he knows we’re there for him. Today’s best search phrase: “habit loogies.” Okay, maybe Catholic school is not for you. posted by M. Giant 7:21 PM 0 comments 0 Comments:
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